The 14 Best Lyrics From Rachel Bloom's Voting PSA To Text To Your Politically Apathetic Friends
There are a whole smorgasbord of reasons as to why you should be obsessed with comedian/singer/actor Rachel Bloom, but, if you hadn't hopped aboard the bandwagon, get ready to do so. Bloom's Funny or Die voting song is everything we've come to expect from the star: it's smart and winky about the genre of celebrity-led voting songs, it's acute about politics, and it's can't-stop-laughing funny. And — deep breaths — even if you do happen to hate both politics and humor, it might still be your cup of tea based on the vast number of celebrity cameos it features.
Bloom explained her motivation for the video to Entertainment Weekly :
““[In] musical comedy, it’s hard, especially about politics, and I don’t do much about politics because how do you make a point without being preachy. And I came up with this idea of doing a very, very self-aware, ‘We are the World’-type song that wasn’t trying to get Trump voters to not vote Trump. It was really just, being aware that it was kind of preaching to the choir in motivating maybe those holdouts who are anti-Trump, on the fence, motivating them to vote with well-intentioned fear of the kind of realistic thing that could happen.”
With this in mind, you can absolutely plunder the song for the sort of lines that, when accompanied with some spot-on emojis, are going to get that apathetic, on-the-fence friend of yours to the polls. Others are less useful for texting, but great for laughing at.
1. "Hey America, This Is Rachel Bloom. You May Not Recognize My Hands, But You May Not Recognize My Face Also"
I love this, mainly because she is a freakin' genius who, for no reason I can wrap my tiny brain around, still seems to be flying under the radar.
2. "An Orange Talking STD Has Driven Me To This Recording Studio"
The little black dress of insults, perfect for applying to all fake-tanned humans who dare to cross you.
3. "Elizabeth Banks Plays The Bass So We Can Try To Convince The USA Not To Shoot Itself In The Face"
Ah, the Land of the Free. A country where celebrities, not newspapers, get to tell us how to vote — something Bloom seems painfully aware of and is parodying here.
4. "'We Are The World'-Type Songs Are Tired, But Donald Trump Is A Garbage Fire"
It rhymes, and it makes me smile. Done. We're done here.
5. "Faces Fading Into Other Faces Told You So"
The old "emotional celebrity video" cliche is used here, albeit in a tongue-in-cheek fashion.
6. "We May Not Be Geniuses, Although We Play Them On TV"
Left: Mayim Bialik, who plays neuroscientist Dr. Amy Fowler on The Big Bang Theory. Right: her Bing Bang co-star Melissa Rauch, who plays a graduate student in the same show. Funny, but not totally true. Bialik is a neuroscientist in real life, so, y'know. She's a genius (or at the very least, a very smart woman) 24/7.
7. "We’re Too Famous To Come To The Studio, So We’re Singing On Our Phones"
This made me spit some coffee down myself, because, yes. And yes, Jane Lynch, yes, you are.
8. "Donald Trump Is Human Syphilis, We Can Be The Antidote"
Misspelt in the subtitles, but it's still a real zinger.
9. "OK, Obviously Hitler’s Hitler. No One Does Hitler Like Hitler"
Look at doleful Adam Scott's expression. True, though.
10. "Break Up Mein Kampf Into Tiny Parts And It Reads Like A Trump Rant On Twitter"
11. "And If You Need A Refresher On Post World War 1 Germany…"
Nothing works better than elaborate historical explanations in a seemingly lewd, off-the-cuff skit about how lame celebrity voting songs are.
12. "It's Time To Change The Key"
The best part of this song is its meta-commentary on itself.
13. "You've Got To Vote (Now The Song Is Higher!)"
The all-important, super sentimental chord change for the final section.
14. "If We Don’t Work To Prevent This, It’s Four Years Of The Apprentice"
Is humor found in identifying things that are so true as to be painful and then setting them to music? If this is the case, then this line is hilarious. Also, ow.
You've heard the song, you've texted some lines out to the more politically-neutral of your acquaintance, now there's only one thing left to do — vote. Rachel Bloom and her assorted group of witty-political celebrities are counting on you.
Editor's Note: This article has been updated from its original version.
Images: Funny Or Die (16)