Can't Orgasm During Sex? How 5 Women Finally Climaxed With A Partner

If you've never had orgasm, or don't think you have, you’re not alone: many women report one big, frustrated sigh when it comes to reaching that lusted-after explosion. According to stats from Planned Parenthood, about one in three women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex and 80 percent have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. 

Just as the saying goes — different strokes for different folks —what it takes for one woman to have an orgasm likely varies from what works for another. More often than not, combining foreplay, oral sex and at times, vibrators or other sex toys can help you feel more relaxed and turned on, making it easier for you to reach your maximum sexual peek.

But if you feel like you’ve tried everything with little success, it might be helpful to hear from real women who figured out what made them reach their sex goal. For some, it was about a patient partner, for others it was important to get really warmed up before having intercourse or about giving yourself a break and letting the pressure subside.

Here’s how five women were able to reach climax — and how you can learn from their sexual journey:

1. I Finally Dated Someone Who Took Their Time With Me

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“For me, it was with my first steady fling my first year of college. He spent enough time down there with his tongue for me to learn how to close out all of the distractions and just focus on what he was doing, and that was really what it took. But it wasn't until two years later that I was able to orgasm during intercourse, when my particularly determined first serious boyfriend insisted I could do it if I just gave it a chance. If I hadn't had these two experiences — and been lucky enough to partner with two men patient enough to try whatever it took — I may still be coasting through life thinking that ‘almost-not-quite’ state I experienced before the age of 19 is all there is. That's why I believe that every woman can do it, even if she is determined she can't. In an informal (but scientific) poll among my friends, I found that some had survived three-year relationships without ever having an orgasm with their partners.”  -Delaney

2. I Stopped Being Afraid Of Climaxing

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“The first time I reached my full potential to climax was with a partner who made me feel so comfortable and safe exploring my sexuality. Like many women, I was afraid I'd urinate instead of climax. Not only would it be completely embarrassing, I also have an aversion to body fluids so it would be mortifying too! This partner encouraged me to just let it come (pun totally intended) and if I urinated it didn't matter. I put trust and faith into his words, listened to him, and ever since then I have the best orgasms ever. Since our bladder is close to the muscles that help with orgasm, it is common for the orgasm to feel like an urge to urinate. More times than not, women aren't actually going to urinate though they prevent the orgasm for fear of urinating. My advice is to just let it go!” -Courtney

3. When The Thrill Was Enough To Make It Happen

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“For me? It was when a repressed Catholic girl fell in love right out of high school and found the promised land with a forbidden love (my racist father couldn't keep us apart.) It was typical rebellion but very exciting.” -Elaine

4. When My Partner Stimulated My Clit

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“One third of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm and most don't get it from penetration, including me. I found my sexual confidence by being with guys who were down to bring vibes into the bedroom. A bullet vibe during sex totally changed my sex life. A real man isn't threatened by a sex toy, he knows how to use it.” -Gigi

5. When I Accepted My Sexual Identity

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"Before I was a sex therapist, I struggled with understanding my own sexuality. I grew up with similar messages that many women receive including ‘only bad girls sleep around’ or ‘your job is to please him.’ Therefore, a lot of anxiety was created around sex. With training and therapy, I learned how to accept my sexual identity and accept myself as a sexual being who is allowed to receive pleasure and focus on myself. In my early sex days, my orgasms were pleasurable though now I know I was missing out! After I learned to become aware of myself during sex and not focus on anxious thoughts such as ‘What is he thinking?’ or ‘Do I look pretty?’ my orgasmic experience greatly improved to the point that I could have multiple orgasms in one sexual experience. Recently, my orgasms got even stronger after attending pelvic floor therapy to help strengthen those muscles, which impact our orgasms." -Courtney

Images:  Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy

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