For the most part, sex is pretty damn enjoyable. No matter how long you've been having sex for, there's always a way to have better sex. Whether it’s through getting into the spirit of the season and testing out holiday-inspired positions or finding new places to get it on, we are constantly looking for ways to make it hotter. I mean, there’s a reason why checkout stands are filled with magazine covers featuring the 101 best sex positions you need to try. We’re always on the lookout for the best pieces of sex advice we can get.
Personally, sex advice isn’t exactly something I openly seek though. While I have no problem going to my mom, my sister, or my best friends for love and relationship advice, going to them for tips on how to make a blow job more enjoyable isn’t really up there on my to-do list. So, thank goodness, we have experts to lean on
From sexologists to adult performers, former escorts to a sex therapist with a cannabis twist, I talked to 14 experts in the field of sexuality to find out the best piece of sex advice they can give. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Amy Jo Goddard, Sexual Empowerment Expert And Author of Woman On Fire: 9 Elements To Wake Up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power And Sexual Intelligence
"Here's a tip for when you are in the act and you want to make sure you are on point with your partner … Ask easy to answer multiple-choice questions. ‘How's the speed? Faster or slower?’ ‘How's the pressure? Do you want more, less or is that just right?’ ‘New position?’ These questions won't take your partner out of it, but they give you crucial information to help make the sex you are in the middle of as good as it can be. You can also ask, 'Do you want more of this, or more like this?' if there are a couple of techniques you know they like but you aren't sure what they want in the moment. If you have a partner who goes non-verbal when they are aroused, they can still easily answer these questions. Use your words and you can quickly find out if you need to keep doing what you are doing or make adjustments so everybody has the most fun."
2. Casey Calvert, Adult Performer And Official BDSM And Fetish Expert For GameLink
"The best piece of sex advice I can give is: don't be afraid to ask for what you want. No matter if you are vanilla or super kinky, with someone who is a one night stand or married for 20 years, your partner won't know what you want if you don't tell them. There's nothing to be ashamed of, and they will appreciate being able to make you happy. If it's just ‘touch me like this,’ you can say that in the heat of the moment. But, if it's something bigger like, ‘I want you to tie me up,’ my suggestion is to bring it up before you get in the bedroom. That way, you can talk about it at length without worrying about killing the mood. Just have an open and honest conversation with your partner. It might suck at first, and feel super uncomfortable, but it'll be worth it."
3. Jessica Drake, Sex Educator And Creator Of Jessica Drake's Guide To Wicked Sex
"The singular best sex tip I can give is to get to know YOURSELF. Explore every inch of your body. Learn your likes and dislikes. Masturbate often. Become comfortable with the part(s) of your body that you don't love. This knowledge and confidence will carry on to your sex life with others. When you're trying new things on yourself first, you'll be better at communicating exactly what you like to your partner."
4. Brooke Christian, Founder Of Flirty Girl
"Find out how you like to orgasm…do you need your clitoris stimulated? do you need to be on top? Do you need lots of foreplay? And then do that or ask for that every time! Yes, every time. Because sex that results in an orgasm is incredibly fulfilling and will make you want to do it again and again which is great fodder for any relationship, casual or serious.
Also, USE LUBE! I cannot stress this enough…even if you think you’re wet enough…grab the lube. Nothing, seriously…nothing, makes sex feel as good as lube does. Things glide easier, things can be massaged better, you can get good friction that doesn’t hurt, and it can make everything just feel…better. Lube. It’s essential. You should not have sex without it. Full stop. And do not use the drugstore brands; they are full of glycerin, which is basically sugar, and can lead to all kinds of yucky infections. Stick to the organic and natural options. My favorites are Sliquid Natural or Good Clean Love."
5. Bonnie Gayle, Body Liberator And Founder Of Sex Butter
"One of the best pieces of sexual advice I have for any woman is that it is a must to know their own body. What gives them pleasure, what makes them feel good, and what allows them to relax and enjoy orgasm. So many women don't know these things and consequently never get the opportunity to experience bodily pleasure to its fullest. As I have said on numerous occasions, 'Don't wait around to have a man or partner in your life to experience sexual pleasure.'"
6. Shahin Ghadir, Fertility Specialist And Co-Founder Of The Southern California Reproductive Center
"One of the challenges many couples face when trying to conceive is dealing with the realities of timed intercourse. For couples who are dealing with fertility issues, this can be an especially stressful time, and that stress can get in the way of having comfortable, enjoyable sex. That's why I always recommend that my patients at the fertility clinic engage in healthy, stress-relieving activities, like meditation and yoga (just avoid hot yoga as prolonged heat exposure can harm sperm quality). Couples can even do partner yoga together for a relaxing bonding experience! My biggest piece of advice is that timed intercourse should still be pleasurable and not just a means to an end! While trying to conceive can be a stressful time, it can also bring partners together in a way they've never experienced before."
7. Dr. Jess, Astroglide's Resident Sexologist
"Use two hands, tons of lube and lots of pressure for hand jobs and blow jobs. You can give a hand job to end all blow jobs if you simply interlace your fingers, add twice the lube you think you need and stroke from the shaft to the tip putting a little extra pressure at the base and a tiny little twist over the head. Keep your pressure tight and your rhythm constant the entire time ... And don’t go to this 'money move' right away. Rile your partner into a frenzy first with teasing glances, gentle caresses, playful licks and gentle sucks. You don’t want to go straight to the good stuff — you want to make them ache for it first so that by time you pull out the big guns, they’re ready to go!"
8. Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills Relationship Psychotherapist And Co-Star Of Sex Box On WE tv
"Put all of your worries in a box, lock the box, and leave it outside of the bedroom! If she’s worried about the kids she will not have an orgasm. When the stock market goes down so does his erection. Free yourselves to enjoy the moment."
9. Katie Wells George, VSPOT Executive Gynecologist
"An effective tip for creating enhanced sexual pleasure and with your partner is to create an ‘excited vagina’ by increasing blood flow to the vaginal canal prior to foreplay. You can bring increased blood flow and energy to the vaginal canal by doing Kegels. Doing Kegels prior to foreplay will help with heightened stimulation, better sex, and intensify orgasms."
10. Nicole Contos, Owner Of Smooth Synergy Spa In NYC
“The best piece of sex advice I could give to readers would be for women to take care of themselves. It’s important as a woman to feel confident and beautiful—and that can be difficult after you’ve had several children, if you’re going through menopause, etc. Whether this means getting a wax, getting the O-Shot procedure or even wearing a sexy piece of lingerie—it is entirely up to the woman. Do what makes you feel good, and your partner will surely notice your confidence…and will be turned on by it!”
11. Jessica Brighton, Former Escort Turned Relationship Coach And Founder Of Satisfy Your Man
"As I always say, the only bad sex position is the one you don’t try, and certain positions are better than others for maximizing sexual pleasure. This depends on your individual anatomy, the angle and how you and your man ‘fit together.' Trying many positions allows the two of you to find what gives each of you individually the most pleasure."
12. Nikki Martinez, Psychologist And Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
"My best sexual advice would be to make it a priority. Even if you need set days and times to make it consistent, or to get it started again, do so. The longer you let it go, the less affection you will have, and the more awkward and non-sexual your relationship becomes. Keep things fresh, be open and honest about what you like, and always be willing to try things that excite your partner."
13. Jordan Tishler, Sexuality Therapist And Cannabis Physician
"Many hold the idea that ‘MJ helps you relax’ and this is true and helpful. However, it really is more complex than that. For both men and women, but especially for women, sexuality is an 'above the neck' event. Many factors such as stress, prior relationships, attraction, and emotional foreplay go into sexual receptiveness and satisfaction. MJ can directly increase libido, causes secretion of the hormone Oxytocin which is involved in feelings of intimacy and bonding, and helps with female lubrication."
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions to make him last longer:
Ed. Note: A previous version of this story included quotes from comedian Billy Procida, which have since been removed.
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