How To Carve A Turkey Like A Grownass Adult

Fam, this has been one true nightmare of a year. If ever there was a Friendsgiving that overloaded its attendees with food, it should be 2016's. And I'm not just talking, like, a lot of sides and 20 bottles of wine (though that is a, uh, necessary component). I'm talking bird. So here's how to carve a turkey like a grownass adult, because you are one and it's time you learned how to do this. OK, fine — it's time we learned how to do this. Together. Bravely.

Turkey, which is a uniquely North American bird, has been a staple at Thanksgiving tables for ages (even though it's doubtful it was eaten at the first Thanksgiving). But at almost every non-parentally-catered event meant to celebrate this particular occasion, it's often noticeably missing. And that is because cooking it, and then carving it, is Very Intimidating. And Time Consuming. And Frankly, Scary. But thanks to, the recipe and food how-to mega-site, there now exists a not-at-all scary video tutorial walking us through it all.

Before you begin carving, though, you'll need a knife. The correct knife. According to The Splendid Table, there are actually carving knives made specifically for dismantling animal carcasses. Your knife will ideally be eight to 10 inches long, thin (both in width and in metal consistency), and very, very sharp. It will also come to a point — rounded tip knives make working around joints and attacking the legs tough. And yes, those are both things you'll have to do. Check out the full thing here:

For the short version — well, let's break it down. Because it's a lot less terrifying when it's taken in small bites. (Har har.)

First, The Legs!

Don't be frightened!

Then, Tackle The Breast!

With permission, of course. Man, they make it look so easy here.

Go Against The Grain!

Like, the grain of the meat. Which is a weird phrase, but here we are. Slice against the grain, not with it.

And Then Twist!

It's gory phrases like this that have put me off of trying to cook and carve a turkey in the past. But whatever — I'm going to face my fears, because what else has 2016 been for?

For more pointers, check out Serious Eats' guide to carving a turkey; it's a good one. And watch Delish's full video up top!

Images: Fotolia; Delish/YouTube (4)