Getting over a breakup is just the worst. Everyone seems to have their own bounce back timeline and their own methods for getting over someone. While some people seem to be able to flip a switch and be done with it, we all have a friend (or are the friend) who is still 90 weeks deep in their ex's Instagram every night and sends way too many drunk texts. And if you are that person, I get it. It can be incredibly difficult to cut the ties and move on from your ex. But are there ways to make us do it faster?
Well, that's exactly what Bustle's newest Love, Factually video wanted to discover. Is there a way to help you move on faster? Most of my friends swear the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, a couple stick to rom-coms, but what's the most effective way to get over a breakup? According to experts, a lot of how we move on from someone has to do with our state of mind and point of view (not that controlling that has ever been easy). Here's what you need to know about getting over a breakup ASAP:
1. If You Internalize Rejection, It's Going To Be Harder
Researcher Lauren Howe of Stanford worked with a team of researchers on a survey of over 800 people and found out something really interesting: those who internalize rejection have a harder time with breakups. These are people who look at rejection as a reflection on them — proof that they aren't good enough or lovable — and they find it more difficult to move on than those people who think that rejection is just a natural party of life or even an opportunity for learning and growing.
2. Those With A Fixed Mind Set Struggle More Than Those With A Growth Mind Set
This actually played into different personality types. Howe found that those with a fixed mindset, who think that your personality can't change, spend more time thinking about their exes than those who believe that their personality can grow and change.
3. But Many Studies Have Found Personality Is Biological And Therefore, Kind Of Fixed
So here's the thing: personalities are kind of fixe. Dr Laura Brown, a neuroscientist, tells Bustle that personality is largely biological, but "we need to be able to reinvent ourselves". It's such an important part of getting over a breakup.
4. And Your Brain Incorporates Your Partner Into How You View Yourself
Basically, part of the problem is in our brains. The precuneus is the part of the brain responsible for autobiographical memory. When we're with a partner, we begin to incorporate them into our view of ourselves. The person becomes a part of our autobiography, which is why it can feel so gutting when they're gone.
5. So You Need To Form Some New Memories Without Your Partner
So you have to get your ex out of your autobiography, out of your view of yourself. How do you do that? Well, it's why we see so many people taking up hobbies or going through big changes after a breakup. It's really is good for you because you start to form new memories and rewrite your autobiography without your partner.
Breakups are always going to be hard — especially if it was a significant relationship — and there's never going to be a magical cure all. But we can help ourselves get over them faster. The most important thing? Stop dwelling on the past and make a new future. So it's time to get off of their Instagram account and go try something totally different — it'll help.