You've been patient and you've been kind, and the universe is about to reward you by returning six of its choicest California ladies to your television screen — rested, refreshed, and as quippy as ever, if these new taglines are any indication. Yup, that's right, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 7 taglines are finally here, and I hope you'll excuse me for saying so, but they are a hot mess. You can watch the new RHOBH intro here. Obviously fans have had multiple seasons to learn about many of these ladies, and will have a plenty of opportunity to get to know newcomer Dorit Kemsley as Season 7 wears on, but Real Housewives taglines are sort of a little soundbyte for each housewife; their personality distilled into one comment.
And because there's so much pressure to fit everything into one little quip — a reference, maybe a pun, some shade, and some attitude? — the taglines can be a little hard to understand sometimes. But I don't think I've ever seen a batch quite as tangled as RHOBH. Maybe it's because, just like wedding hashtags, most of the first ones you think of are taken by now, so you have to get a little creative. But I am scratching my head and rolling my eyes hard at some of these. Oh my gosh, but don't get me wrong, I mean this in the best way possible. If these taglines are any indication, the Beverly Hills Housewives are coming in hot and wild, and I just about can't wait.
Kyle Richards: "I'm An Expert On Luxury & I Can Always Spot A Fake."
What I'm taking from this is that she might've fallen and hit her head, because this is only a slight variation on her Season 4 tagline: "I'm from this town. I know what's real and what's fake." Maybe this season, she gets a job at a fashion house, literally weeding out the fakes. I can just see her sorting through a pile of Louis Vuitton baggage with a magnifying glass.
Lisa Rinna: "My Advice To You: Don't Hustle The Hustler."
But wait a second, let's dive into the logic here for a second, because I can't not. Is she considering herself a hustler? Because this phrase is supposed to be used when you are a schemer of sorts, and you're encouraging other people not to try to pull schemes on you. It's like shading yourself so that nobody else tries to shade you. And now... I've fallen down a rabbit hole of wondering if Lisa Rinna is super smart and put that together so that she was unshade-able, of if she just wanted to call herself a hustler and the rest went over her head. My brain hurts, bring back the lips references.
Dorit Kemsley: "When You've Traveled The World, You Can Speak In Any Accent You Want."
Literally what? Do you have an accent? What is it? Is it fake?? I cannot wait to meet you.
Eileen Davidson: "I Speak No Evil, But I See & Hear Everything."
Just like a good-hearted little sponge, just soaking everything up, not bothering anybody. *Eye roll* Very solid tagline, but we'll see how long the saying nothing part lasts, in this crew.
Erika Girardi: "I may be two people, but I'm not two-faced."
OK, Erika Girardi. I see you, girl. Making a little reference to a previous plot point, OK. Welcome to round two of the party, I feel like you're on pretty solid footing here.
Lisa Vanderpump: "The Crown Is Heavy, Darlings. So Just Leave It Where It Belongs."
And this, ladies and ladies, is how it's done. Do not come for Lisa Vanderpump, little babies, or you'll live to regret it. Easily my favorite tagline of the bunch.
All in all, a strong showing, if puzzling in parts. I feel like these ladies have a lot to prove, to themselves and to their castmates, and that makes me more excited than ever for Season 7 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which premieres Dec. 6 on Bravo at 9 p.m.
Images: Bravo; Giphy (5)