Reese Witherspoon seems like one of the nicest ladies in Hollywood, so it wasn't exactly a shock to learn via her The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon appearance on Friday that her mother is every bit as sweet as her offspring. But her mother isn't just remarkable because of her excess of Southern lady politeness, doing things like framing Jimmy Fallon's thank you notes. Nope, she writes incredibly special film reviews. Witherspoon's mom's five-word film reviews basically are exactly what they sound like. Her mom distills the essence of a movie into five words and messages it to her daughter.
You guys, having viewed Witherspoon give a few examples of her mom's craft, I think we can all agree this is the future of film reviewing. No longer will you have to struggle through 1,000 words on the majesty of the craftwork and influences, cross-reference different reviews so you can get a truly objective take on the movie, and avoid making a sweeping judgement due to one writer's bias. Instead, you can skip the rambling and get straight to the point. La La Land? "Ryan Gosling. Hot. Love, Mom." Manchester By The Sea? "Orphans. Men. Sad. Love, Mom." So, yeah, Witherspoon's mom is basically everything the film world needs right now.
It's the holiday season, which means you're broke, doing overtime to make extra for gifts, and going out to Christmas parties in your free time. Do you really have time to wade through movie reviews anymore? Even the closest thing to Witherspoon's mother's film reviews, Twitter, is flawed. Everyone's trying to be smarter or funnier or weirder than everyone else on Twitter. But with the five-word reviews, it's not about the person giving the reviews, it's just the film. Plain and simple. I tried to work up some reviews of my own for movies that are way TL;DR for this time-starved generation.
The Sound Of Music
Nuns. Nazis. Hot Christopher Plummer.
Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them
Eddie Redmayne isn't Harry Potter.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Star Wars: the WW2 movie.
Everyone's now crushing on McKinnon.
Good girl goes bad.
I think everyone can agree: This sort of reviewing needs to be implemented in all major publications ASAP. Thanks, Witherspoon's mom — you've innovated the best form of movie reviewing possible.