11 New Year's Resolutions For Grown Ass '90s Kids

It's the time of year where everyone starts making themselves promises, but New Year's resolutions for grown ass '90s kids can be quite specific. There are the things we're all going to promise ourselves we'll do in 2017. Drink more water. Get more sleep. Exercise more. Call mom. These are the bread and butter type resolutions that we all make every year. They're also the resolutions that we barely carry through to February, and for whatever reason, have to wait a whole 11 months to re-resolve to do (imagine a world where we made resolutions mid-year! Quelle horreur!).

And then there's a whole other category of New Year's resolutions that belong to the children of the '90s, who are obviously now all grown up. See, the '90s taught us some very specific lessons, and we carry those lessons with us throughout our lives. Whether through pop culture or our own lived experiences, the things we learned in the '90s can help us prepare for the year ahead in a very material way. For instance: don't wear leather pants, especially on a first date (thanks Professor Ross Geller!). If you're a grown ass '90s child (or even if you're not, these are some good resolutions to adopt!), here are some resolutions for 2017.

1. Sit The Party Out More, And Give Up FOMO To Be Happy For Your Friends Having Fun

If we learned anything from 200 Cigarettes it's that binge drinking is dangerous (blacking out isn't cool). But also that you can totally miss the party, your friends can have a full on blast, even party with Elvis Costello, and instead of harboring some massive resentment, you can drop the FOMO and be super happy for their good times.

2. Make Plans — And Stick To Them

In the '90s your plans were your plans. You'd tell friends where to meet and what time, and you'd all go there as arranged. No one cancelled last minute. It wasn't an option. Texting makes it too easy to give up on your plans at the eleventh hour. Be more like your social '90s self.

3. Be Yourself Even More


When Ross wore leather pants, Chandler tried not to make jokes and Rachel promised not to gossip in Friends, everything was weird and suffice to say things went wrong. Be yourself in 2017!

4. Kill Your Digital Obsession

We used to kill our Tamagotchis all the time in the '90s. And what was the repercussion? Nothing, it was a digital pet. You just hit reset and start again. For 2017, resolve to kill your digital pets. These days, those pets are whatever keeps you glued to a screen. Spend more time in the real world, because if the '90s taught us anything, it's that the world keeps spinning even when your digi pet is dead.

5. Pick Up The Phone

Strain your brain and try to remember what it was like to talk on the phone. Now pick up your cell. No, don't open iMessage! Click contacts, pick a beloved friend or family member and hit the call button, just like you would have done from your home phone in the '90s. Keep doing this all year long.

6. Prioritize Your Friends

Remember "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends." If you've been neglecting your friends for any reason, spend more time with them in the new year, and don't forget them even if you've fallen madly in love. 

7. Don't Give Up So Easily

Jack could have fit on the door, OK? But in Titanic, he gave up, froze to death, and sank into the black depths of the ocean. If he hadn't of given up, he and Rose would have had a magnificent life, or maybe not, but he at least would have lived, and maybe done some other cool stuff. Hopefully it's not so life or death for you in 2017, but still. Never give up.

8. Stop Being Such A Negative Nancy

Remember Y2K panic that came to literally no fruition? Just because you might have built things up to be bad in your head, it doesn't mean they are. Have a positive outlook in 2017.

9. Invest Wisely

Imagine if you had've invested in the dot com boom instead of Beanie Babies.

10. Put Your Best Mom Jean Forward

The best thing about the hottest jean trend leading us into 2017 is that grown ass '90s kids already have a storied history with it. Use the Force — er, wait — your experience with mom jeans to look cute as hell in the new year.

11. Be Selective With Your Time And Energy

Always ask yourself: what would Cher Horowitz do? She certainly wouldn't stand quietly by and let some entitled douchebag at the bar mansplain to her all night.

Images: Paramount Pictures; Giphy (6)

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