Baz Luhrmann, Elvis, & '50 Shades of Grey'?

So apparently, Baz Luhrmann is in talks to direct an Elvis Presley biopic. My first thought when I hear that: hold the phone for a hot a second and kindly douse me in some glitter. Now wrap that glitter in some bacon in honor of that pelvic thrusting icon's favorite snack. My second thought: hmmmm. This seems like unusual fodder for a man notorious for high-profile, glitzy, sexy adaptations where women wear lots and lots and lots and lots and lots (may I add lots?) of make up. But before we jump to say "it's such an unusual choice," we should remember that Baz Luhrmann can put his touch on anything and make it...well, Baz Luhrmann-esque.

The movie will allegedly have a script by Fifty Shades of Grey 's screenplay writer, Kelly Marcel, but regardless who pens the script, Luhrmann has signature tricks up his sleeve that makes anyone watching it go, THAT IS A BAZ LUHRMANN MOVIE.

And while a biopic may seem like an odd choice for a man who is fond of adaptations, rest assured that there are some things that we can still easily predict about this potential movie. Considering Luhrmann's glitzy signature stylings, it isn't too hard to imagine what — or who — will be in this film. In fact, this is what we can expect:

High Profile Sexed Up Pop Covers Of Elvis's Songs

Moulin Rouge brought us "Lady Marmalade," which is still my numero uno karaoke jam if I'm out with three of my girlfriends (or hell, if I'm all by myself and I feel like tackling all four women's vocal parts at the same time). We can definitely assume that there will be covers of Presley's hits. I'm hoping for a Lil' Kim/Christina Aguilera/P!nk/Maya reunion with a lady-powered rendition of "Heartbreak Hotel." I mean, c'mon, this stuff is gold:

Dance Numbers

Both incidental and staged. With glitter.

Oh Yeah, Lots of Glitter

Someone Will Die

Probably Elvis, but still.

Some Odd Stylistic Choice For Casting Elvis Presley

It's likely that we'll see something along the lines of I'm Not There, with multiple actors playing Bob Dylan. Perhaps there will be a series of Elvises and this will all just be in the mind of some writer. It's always an illusion! It's always a fantasy! But if not...

Leonardo DiCaprio

Because obviously.

Warner Bros. has declined to comment on whether or not this will actually come to fruition, but the more I think about it, the more excited I get about this prospective film, and the more I want to douse myself in glitter and eat a handful of bacon. Baz Luhrmann could direct Goodnight Moon, and it would have all of the above, so give him something inspiring — not the Goodnight Moon isn't, and it's VERY open to interpretation, may I add — but give him something like Elvis Presley's life, and he'll likely go nuts with innovation and glitter. So for the love of bacon, glitter, and Leonardo DiCaprio, let's hope this happens!