'Mixology': at this point we're just limping our way toward the finish line

12:09am. I stare at the computer screen, wondering what in the hell I'm going to write about this dog turd show, Mixology. In weeks past I've managed to eke out some sarcastic thing or another, from "21 Things Less Crappy than Mixology" to a takedown of the show told from the perspective of a fictional waitress. I sort of enjoyed writing those! But the episodes keep coming, not one of them better than the last, and whatever errant enthusiasm you may have been able to summon before starts to fade, fade fade...

I guess what I'm saying is it's fun for a little while to rag on horrendous, POS shows like Mixology or Nashville (or even Bachelor/Bachelorette, let's be real) but you reach a point where the insults run dry. And more pertinent to the writing of these 400-500 word reactions, you've just got nothing more to say. Mixology, you've rendered me speechless.

If you're keeping score at home, and why wouldn't you, we've got just three episodes left before we find out who's going home with who. I guess that's something we care about. Maybe the only thing we care about? "Love" and "character development" or the prospect for either flew the coop many weeks ago, so anyone still watching can only be looking at this like the end of a book they never really liked, but feel obligated to finish. That sort of thing. So here's where we're at:

  • The British dude is with the mousey lawyer who just dumped her fiance. What they see in each other is hard to say. Love doesn't really explain itself? Who knows.
  • The waitress has the hots for Tom and Bruce's friend, Cal. They're slated to meet up at 2am, when her shift's done. Neither one of them has really spoken to each other in the last few episodes.
  • Maya and Tom are back to sharing drinks at the bar. They were the first "couple" we found ourselves with so of course it would be dramatically unsatisfying if they didn't wind up together.
  • Bruce is still in pursuit of Jessica, who doesn't seem disinterested. Will she dislike herself enough by the end of the episode to go home with him? We'll see!

Maybe things will change in the next three weeks. Maybe they won't. The world will keep spinning regardless, and with that spinning the promise that we'll never see Mixology season two. Amen.

Image: ABC