My wedding is tomorrow! No really, at the time I write this, MY WEDDING IS TOMORROW. That's really exciting, but it’s also nerve-racking, stressful, and all the things that one imagines the day before their wedding would be. I feel emotional, mildly confused, and definitely as if I’m in some sort of surreal fantasy from which I’m both hoping and dreading I’ll wake very soon. It’s taken months of planning, and tomorrow is the day that will prove whether or not I pulled this all off successfully.
As I sit in this hotel room just less than hour after our amazing rehearsal dinner, my head is all abuzz with thoughts, fears, and expectations for the big day. Although there are hundreds of things swimming in my brain right now, here are the 9 thoughts that I just can’t shake. Here they are, for better, and for worse.
CAN THIS BE FOR REAL?
I honestly never thought I’d get married, or rather, that anyone would want to marry me. So basically, I’m still waiting to wake up from this bizarre dream. I’ve asked my sister and friends to pinch me several times, and so far, this whole alive thing seems to be legit. Let’s cross our fingers and hope it stays that way.
God, I HOPE I LOOK LIKE GRACE KELLY TOMORROW
I’ve probably looked at that wedding photo of Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier III of Monaco a hundred times since I started this whole wedding planning process. I’d really like to be a princess tomorrow, if that’s OK with everyone.
IT’S GOING TO BE REALLY EMBARRASSING IF WE GET DIVORCED
I know, I know. It’s totally pessimistic, isn’t it? But if I don’t go into something with a bit of pessimism attached to it, then I fear I haven’t mentally prepared myself for the worst. It’s a dangerous world in my head; enter at your own risk.
PLEASE let THE FOOD BE PERFECT
If my friends weren’t flying the 3000+ miles to Paris for my wedding, then I wouldn’t be as obsessed with the quality of the food. (I hope.) At least tonight’s rehearsal dinner was great, so I’m going to hope tomorrow will follow suit. We are in Paris after all — they practically invented the art of cooking. Julia Child said so.
WHAT IF my betrothed BAILS?
Once again, the pessimist in me needs to flirt with the idea of my groom possibly jumping ship. I’d like to believe that if he were going to do that, he would have bailed months ago, or would at least do the decent thing and wait until next week or something. I should probably just stop thinking.
DOn'T DRINK TOO MUCH
This one is pretty much my mantra. My sister has already hidden my Xanax from me, so I can’t take it if I get nervous about reading my vows in front of everyone. I’ve even promised myself that I will stick to just champagne and stay away from hard liquor tomorrow. I want to remember my wedding, and to be very aware of my love for that French sauce.
IF I FALL, WILL I BE AS GRACEFUL AND COOL AS JENNIFER LAWRENCE?
Yep, this is a totally honest and legitimate concern I’m having at this very moment. It’s been raining in Paris for days, the park is wet, and I already fell a few times during the rehearsal. I even watched my new Vera Wang heels get caked in mud and dead worms.
PLEASE just LET MY SISTER LOVE EVERYONE
My sister, who’s my best friend, my rock, and probably the funniest person I know, is nothing like my friends. She’s the one who has traveled the farthest to be here, and I know she already has preconceived notions of what my NYC friends are all about (read: pretentious, which they aren't, except maybe sometimes). If she could love at least a couple of them, that would be great.
IS IT OK THAT I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS TO BE OVER?
It’s true. I really can’t wait. Not because I’m not loving the attention, the excitement, or the fact that it’s pretty much been my week. It’s just that this is all so exhausting. I’m being pulled in hundreds of directions, I’m sick of answering questions, and I don’t know the last time I had a second to myself or even finished a meal without being carted away to entertain someone. I’m just done. I need to get married. Like, now.
OK, fine, tomorrow.