The mystery of the Solange elevator fight has been solved! The Daily Show has a theory on Solange's attack on Jay Z — Oh, I'm sorry. It's not a theory at all coming from Senior Beyoncé Correspondent Jessica Williams. When you're the SBC, you don't need theories, you know what happened. Williams, who actually has served as Senior Beyoncé Correspondent before (that's how often Beyoncé news has to be verified), is sure of what went down on the elevator: a staged marketing campaign. And how does she know? Because 'Yoncé doesn't move.
As Williams explains, "Beyoncé is never not moving. The woman is pure kinetic energy personified... She’d be like a Ninja Turtle meets a Rockette, Jon. It’d be physically out of control." Jon Stewart is doubtful saying that she can't be in motion all the time, right? Wrong! Williams has photo evidence of Beyoncé dancing in line at the DMV, raising the roof at the dentist, and shaking that thang during a Charlie Rose interview.
Williams doesn't know what Beyoncé would be promoting with a staged elevator fight, but it's probably something awesome like another secret album or a new line of gold jumpsuits. She might even be helping Solange spread word of her new kickboxing video. Who knows! Point is, Beyoncé doesn't stop moving. Ever.
Check out the segment for yourself below. It also features a PSA from Debbie Harry about private elevator violence. Celebs might have to start taking the stairs, you guys.
Image: Comedy Central