Brad Pitt Responds To Red Carpet Attack With A True Dad-Like Anecdote

Brad Pitt, once upon a time, was the biggest heartthrob in Hollywood. He's still considered a good looking dude, of course, but he's evolved into something different over the years. Pitt's recent red carpet attack has served to prove that Pitt is now the ultimate middle-aged dad of Hollywood — and it's kind of adorable. Pitt recently released an official statement on the bizarre incident to People, and it reads like the kind of anecdote your dad might tell you after a long commute home after an even longer day:

I was at the end of the line signing autographs, when out the corner of my eye I saw someone stage-diving over the barrier at me. I took a step back; this guy had latched onto my lapels. I looked down and the nutter was trying to bury his face in my crotch, so I cracked him twice in the back of the head — not too hard — but enough to get his attention, because he did let go. I think he was then just grabbing for a hand hold because the guys were on him, and he reached up and caught my glasses. I don't mind an exhibitionist, but if this guy keeps it up he's going to spoil it for the fans who have waited up all night for an autograph or a selfie, because it will make people more wary to approach a crowd. And he should know, if he tries to look up a woman's dress again, he's going to get stomped.

"Nutter" and "crotch" are two words you rarely hear coming out of the mouths of people who aren't parents or below a certain age. You can practically hear his yearning to use the word "whippersnapper."

Perhaps the best part, though, is that he "doesn't mind an exhibitionist" — he's been in committed relationships with many a movie star, after all — but, like the good guy dad he is, he is genuinely concerned about the young people waiting for their selfies.

It's official: Brad Pitt's an adorable middle-aged dad, and he has been for a while now.

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