Chairgate, Hoedowngate, & Footballgamegate

The bubbling Real Housewives of Orange County Chairgate stew boiled over during Monday night's episode. It was a very polite boiling over, of course. The stew didn't scream or or cry or throw a piece of furniture. The spill was negligible, barely dirtying the tablecloth. Heather Dubrow and Shannon Beador dabbed at the spots with water. Whether the spots came up, or if the cloth is stained is to be determined. We won't know until the water dries.

When and how and why does the metaphorical boiling over of the metaphorical stew occur? Heather calls Shannon invites her out for a drink with the intent to work out their ish. The mere thought of the meeting exhausts Shannon. She agrees to go, of course, but you can see her mentally thumbing through her schedule, working out when she can squeeze in extra acupuncture appointments to undo whatever stress the meeting is going to cause her.

My god, if Shannon and Heather aren't an incompatible pair. Yeah, they're smart, nice, and rich as all get out, but their personalities clash like whoa. Heather can be so direct and aggressive, which totally harshes Shannon’s new agey chill vibe. And no, their disparate personalities don't balance each other out. Instead, they lock horns. And by "horns," I mean "onion rings and a bowl of lemons."

Here are the notes I took during Heather and Shannon's convo:

  • Shannon is not happy with Heather because she thinks Heather singled her out at the hoedown.
  • Heather says she didn't single Shannon out at the hoedown. Heather says Shannon and Tamra just happened to bring her into the "Shannon's late to the hoedown" convo.
  • Shannon says Heather is condescending.
  • Shannon is mad at Heather for telling her where to sit during Chairgate night.
  • Heather says Shannon was waving her finger and yelling as she returned to the Chairgate table from the restaurant restroom.
  • Shannon says she was not waving her finger and yelling as she returned to the Chairgate table from the restaurant restroom.
  • Heather says Shannon won't let her talk.
  • Heather says Shannon invited everyone but Heather to a football game.
  • Shannon says she didn't invite Heather to the football game because Heather was out of town.
  • Shannon says she doesn't know if she can ever "do right by [Heather]."
  • Heather says she feels excluded.
  • Shannon says she hopes they "get to a point where their perceptions are on the same page."
  • Shannon and Heather agree that if something comes up that bothers either of them, they will address it.
  • My eyes glazed over at least 11 times.

So, did the conversation solve everything? Are they the new BFFs of the cast? I mean... no. The convo is basically a "Though I don't buy what you're selling, we have to work together. Let's at least be civil" type of compromise. I stared directly into the television and into their eyes, and their eyes told me that they don't trust each other. That they'll keep each other at arm's length. Will they fight again? Perhaps, perhaps not. (My guess: Both will say things that get under the other's skin, but they'll never blow up at each other.)

I really, REALLY hope this isn't the last we hear of Chairgate. I've spent too much time thinking about Chairgate (my current stance: they should've asked the restaurant to sit them at a fresh table so that they could give choosing their seats another shot), I can't let go now. Chairgate. Chairgaaaaate. Chairgate forever.

Image: Bravo