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'RHONY': Things Not To Do At An Engagement Party

by Caitlyn Callegari

Things are bound to go awry when you plan your 90-year-old father's engagement party to a 25-year-old woman at The Museum of Sex. I mean, it was difficult enough for me to even write that sentence — I cannot even fathom what it was like for anyone to have to experience the event. Anyway, I suppose I can't exactly blame The Real Housewives of New York's Aviva for not being able to host a traditional type of engagement party for her completely nontraditional father, but The Museum of Sex?! A museum dedicated to sex as the site for your horndog father's party?! I'd rather claw my eyes out and eat dirt than simply pass that place with my parents.

Also, any Real Housewives of New York fan had to ask after watching Tuesday's episode: Why would Aviva invite her friends and frenemies to attend the hallowed event, given the fact that most of the women can't even stand George? The hatred is founded, too, if you consider the fact that he's groped or sexually harassed most of them. Oddly enough, despite George's repulsive and out-of-line advances, they all showed up for the bash, because, duh, the girls don't ever pass up a party or booze. Oh, and poor newbie Kristen officially got inducted into the inappropriate touching club, which we're just supposed to laugh off, I guess?

All of the disgusting details aside, some truly unbelievable things went down at the engagement celebration from all parties present. So...

Here are some things you should never do under any circumstances at an engagement party (whether it's turtle time or not, Ramona):

1. Ask the bride-to-be if she's marrying her fiancé for money.

2. Take the bride-to-be completely off guard by insensitively announcing her parents are deceased, as if she didn't know.

3. Make her cry.

4. Attend a party for someone you'd like to see get swallowed whole by a lion.

5. Grope unsuspecting women against their will and then laugh about it. Continuously.

6. Use age as an excuse for being a pervert.

7. Talk about boning your daughters' friends as your fiancé sits idly by.

8. Use the words "hard-on," "Sonja," "back up into," and "my father" in the same sentence.

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