A picture's worth a thousand word's but a signature's worth an analysis, right? Kim Kardashian has a new signature — sorry, she's Kim Kardashian West now — so naturally, that means we must decode what sort of antics and secret meanings her handwriting reveals, right? After all, since she's clearly been practicing signing "West" on the dotted line, she must have mastered some kind of way to cross that T.
Mrs. West revealed her new signature on her website, and no, it was not via any sort of check — that would be an overshare even by Kardashian standards. She signed... a plate. Yes, that's right, a piece of dinnerware. Which is what you do with dinnerware, right? You sign it? Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. West were at a restaurant in Prague and they signed plates for the restaurant, and apparently, that was her first time ever writing "Mrs. West." Cue the clinking champagne classes! She wrote:
We were in Prague and we signed plates for the restaurant. This is the 1st time I signed West!! Xo
So now, let's bring out graphology! Graphology is handwriting analysis (think: graph — autograph), and it's now more relevant than ever, except maybe slightly less relevant than that time you decoded your crush's inability to write in script. So! It's time take a look at her John Hancock.
Okay! So. Visual.ly has a pretty handy guide on graphology from National Pen (who else, really?). The folks over there say that connected letters — which Kim utilizes for the most part — indicates that she's "logical, systematic" and makes decisions carefully. Is that so? Hmm. Maybe like the decision about her absolutely stunning wedding dress. Her writing looks a little narrowly spaced, which apparently indicates that she can't stand to be alone, which seems pretty on-target for the reality star.
How about how she dots those i's? The first "i" in "Kim" is a little off-center, and the "i" in "Kardashian" is practically nonexistent. A slashed "i" indicates that she's overly self-critical and doesn't have a lot of patience for other people (but maybe she lets up for Kanye and baby North, who peed on Kanye during the Vogue shoot).
But let's look at the newest addition to her name — West. What does the way she sign that signify!? The narrow loop in her "e" indicates that she's skeptical of other people, and the "s," which is wide toward the bottom indicates that she — wait for this one — might not be following her heart or career ambitions. What? Her dream wasn't to become a reality star after a sex tape with Ray J? Who knows. Maybe she wants to be an astronaut. Never underestimate a reality star's desire to go into space (hey, pop stars dream of that — anyone remember Lance Bass, failed cosmonaut?).
And of course, let us take a look at how she crosses that "t": A long "t" indicates that someone is determined and enthusiastic, yet stubborn. Kim is definitely determined to have that kid's clothing line dominate the toddler fashion sphere, but she's stubborn in that it MUST be affordable and available to all of these plebeian babies.
Lastly, a legible John Hancock, which can clearly be made out, indicates that someone is confident. Kim oozes confidences, so that shouldn't be too much of a surprise. She posts selfies of herself in bikinis the bathroom. C'mon.
Of course, this was the first time Kim ever signed this signature. As she continues signing it — and she continues onward in her married life — she might notice that some things in her penmanship change. She might find that that "t" gets shorter and or that "e" gets wider — marriage can do that to people sometimes.
Image: Kim Kardashian