Once upon a time, in the fall of 2000, there were three female movie stars. They teamed up to make a flick that took the late '90s cinematic passion for ass-kicking female heroines, fused it with a nostalgia for the '70s, and added a dash of passion for those weird blouses that only have one sleeve. Together, they created Charlie's Angels , one of the era's biggest blockbusters. But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me.
Okay, fine, I didn't take them away from anything and nobody works for me. But Charlie's Angels (as well as its decidedly uneven but delightfully named sequel Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle ) did make a real impact on me when it was released 14 years ago. (Yes, you're old.)
Though the '90s were positively crawling with badass ladies, the Angels were a breed apart. They didn't have machine guns or super powers; they were just your average, everyday former Olympic gymnast, a Jeopardy champion, and a teenage delinquent. They fought some crimes, busted some bad guys, and found real happiness supporting each other. Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu's Angels taught us lessons that inspired us to grow up into confident, positive women; support our friends; and — most crucially — always keep at least three professional-grade wigs on hand. Lessons that impacted us as we jump-kicked our own ways into our adult lives. Lessons like...
Always Make The Effort To Start Your Day On The Right Foot
Prioritize getting in a little "me time" before the start of your day — it can make all the difference between a good day and a day where Crispin Glover yanks a chunk of hair straight out of your head.
Do Whatever It Takes To Get Your Point Across
Stick to your guns, and don't be afraid to use unorthodox communication methods. I mean, haven't you ever heard the old saying, "a single steering wheel lick is worth a thousand words"?
No One Is A Smooth Operator All Of The Time
Everyone puts their foot in their mouth from time to time, even glamorously mysterious and mysteriously glamorous international private investigators. So try not to be so hard on yourself the next time you accidentally say the word "boner" in front of your landlord.
Eat What You Want To Eat
As a great man once said, "Only God can judge me."
When In Doubt, Throw On A Wig
If the Angels taught us anything, it is that for most any stick situation that life throws at you — from engaging in corporate espionage to the simple act of tricking Matt LeBlanc — there is a wig-based solution to be found. Give it a try during your next work performance review!
Being An Independent Woman Is What's Up
Not only do you get to own your own car, buy your own shoes, and depend on you, but look at the jumpsuits you get to wear!
Ex Boyfriends Can Be The Worst
Almost nothing's as bad as it seems, even fighting a crime syndicate led by your evil ex-boyfriend (especially fighting a crime syndicate led by your evil ex-boyfriend).
Don't Be Shy About Trying New Things
Every day is a new opportunity to discover new hidden talents. So ride that mechanical bull. Ride it all the way into the sunset, my friend!
Manners Are Key
Even when you've had a hard day ahead of smashing heads and averting mass murder, remember to say "thank you" — it will go a long way, especially with the folks making your fruity drinks (you do seem to drink a whole lot of fruity drinks, don't you? Do we have to have a talk about this?).
Don't Be Ashamed To Be Your Real, Weird Self
God, there was a lot of dancing in these movies, huh?
If You Start Working Now, You Can Probably Master The "Dramatic Hair Toss" By August
Not To Mention, The Whip
When You And Your Best Friends Work Together, You Are Truly Unstoppable
Don't ever forget — as a united front, you guys can kick asses, take names, and maybe even keep Bill Murray in line.
One Must Learn How To Master The Delicate Art Of Getting Someone's Attention
Always Be Ready
Be prepared to do whatever it is you do best at a moment's notice by following these simple rules: maintain a constant state of cat-like readiness, stretch, and wear basic black.
And, most importantly...
There's Always Time To Fit In A Brief, Highly Choreographed M.C. Hammer Dance Number
If these women can take enough room in their packed schedule of face punchings to have a dance break, surely you can find the time, right?
