It's not the length that matters...

by Elizabeth Ballou
Christopher Furlong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, the scientific community continues to be obsessed with genitalia research (although we're certainly guilty of clicking, too). This week's findings may actually surprise you, however. When it comes to answering the age old "Does size matter?" question, women prefer different penis girth sizes when it comes to one-night stands vs/ long-term partners, according to a new study conducted at UCLA's Sexual Psychophysiology and Affective Neuroscience (SPAN) lab,

The study was conducted with 41 women who got to view and handle penis models that ranged from 4 to 8.5 inches in length and 2.5 to 7 inches in circumference. Out of 33 models, the women were asked which ones they would prefer in a one-time, as opposed to longtime, partner. Which fills me with all sorts of practical questions: What must it be like to stand in a testing lab, feeling up fake wangs and then sharing your observations? Embarrassing? Freeing? Do they pay you to rate penises?

Inquiring minds want to know.

But I digress. The study gets better. The penises were — wait for it — printed on 3-D printers, which is the first time a study has used printed phalluses. I can't be the only one who thinks that's wildly cool?

All right, yes, the findings. I'm getting there. On average, women preferred penises that were slightly thicker for one-night stands. In terms of length, however, there was no difference. The preferred size, by the way, was 6.5 inches. In a second part of the survey, women handled one model, waited 10 minutes, and then had to pick the same one out of a bin. Most women tended to overestimate the size of the model they'd been given previously. If you're a man with size-confidence issues and you see this survey, take heart! It may not be as important as all that. After all, as Yoda said, "Size matters not." (What he forgot to mention: girth does.) In any case, flaunt what you've got.

According to Livescience, other penis length or girth studies have had mixed or inconclusive results. For example, a 2012 study said that 60 percent of women had no size preference. However, those who had frequent vaginal orgasms preferred a longer member. In addition, the ideal penis size may have to do with the man's height — an Australian survey said that the proportion of junk to total body size is more important. My own conclusion: you keep on doing whatever you like doing, friends.

In other recent news, scientists have stopped at nothing to identify random details about penises. For example, certain countries have a larger average junk size than others. Also, athletes apparently look up to teammates with larger penises. And if all those studies don't satisfy your craving for penis-related information, you could always visit the world's only penis museum.