Channing Tatum & Bear Grylls' Reality Show Should Look Something Like This
What would you give to see some of the hottest men in Hollywood leave behind the glamour of their lavish lives and head into the wilderness to become real, rugged, men? OK, perhaps this is just my fantasy, but nonetheless, Zac Efron and Channing Tatum are among Bear Grylls' first guests on his new NBC show Running Wild With Bear Grylls . Can't you smell the campfire and the pinecones and the shirtlessness now? That's what man smells like, folks.
NBC has ordered the series which stars nature survivalist Grylls (yes, the one that drinks his urine's out of a snake skin) as he journeys into remote, wild locations with a famous face for 48 hours. The one-hour long show will also feature episodes with Ben Stiller, Deion Sanders, Tom Arnold and Tamron Hall. I suppose there's room for some criticism about how women can survive and discover themselves in the wilderness too, damnit — but we'll leave that to Tamron Hall to be the one woman to prove this is true.
NBC said of picking up the series:
Each of the celebrities endure the harsh wilderness in high-octane, action-based and empowering journeys spread over six remote locations. From skydiving into the Catskill Mountains, to repelling down the cliffs of Utah and battling torrential wind and rain in Scotland, Grylls and each celebrity will have to push both their minds and bodies to the limit to successfully complete their journey.
Grylls said of the show, which he created: “Ultimately, this show is about taking these stars on the adventure of a lifetime and being alongside them when they discover something new and empowering about themselves and their world. For me, that is always a privilege."
And it will be a privilege to viewers to watch the actors blossom and endure the wilderness with Grylls at their side. Because of our enthusiasm for all things wild and untamed (heh... heh...) we've suggested a tentative schedule for Grylls to execute with his leading men.
Running Wild With Bear Grylls Shooting Schedule: Day 1 — Channing Tatum
Location: Undisclosed Northwest wilderness
7 am: Breakfast: Wild berries, ground roots and ant larvae.
8 am: Bath time: The duo follow the sound of running water to a nearby stream. Grylls tells Tatum not to be ashamed of his body and coaxes him out of his clothes for a swim in the roaring waterfall. The two splash around as the roar of the falls slowly transforms into the Bruno Mars ballad, "Just the Way You Are."
***PRODUCTION NOTE: Will need SLO-MO cams and soft lighting for sequence.
10 am: Hunting Lessons: Grylls teaches Channing how to catch fish swimming upstream in the river with his bare teeth. PRODUCTION NOTE: This exact technique is trademarked by Grylls — "The Bear Your Teeth For Gills" — and will need to be OK'ed by Grylls team before moving forward.
12 pm NOON: MAGIC MIKE DANCE BREAK
***PRODUCTION/WARDROBE NOTE: Channing is contracted to practice his Magic Mike 2 dance routines for 2 hours every day, and has requested an array of sequined thongs and assless chaps to choose from. During this time Grylls will take his lunch break so please make sure a full craft service is available. See page 2 for a complete list of what Grylls will and won't eat.
2 pm: Life Lessons: Grylls tells Channing the only way to properly hydrate in the forest is by the natural nourishment of his own urine.
***PRODUCTION NOTE: Channing said he's totally fine drinking his own piss, but let's use this as our "Dark Night of the Soul" Beat and coax Channing into crying. Apparently he's allergic to red peppers — just a thought.
3 pm: Nap Time: Channing takes a small cat nap while Grylls keeps watch. When Channing awakes, he is covered in small ticks (*** PRODUCTION NOTE: Old McDonald's Pet Supplies on 3rd said they can supply us with between 1-2 thousand ticks. Negotiating price). Grylls tells Tatum to remain calm and slowly sucks each tick off of Channing's chest with his mouth.
***PRODUCTION NOTE: Channing usually appears clean-shaved but his camp has requested a more "rugged" look so please cancel Thursday's waxing appointment.
5 pm: Dinner: Grylls has Tatum scavenger in a ground hole for beetles, and Tatum struggles to catch a single beetle with his giant, sausage-like fingers
***PRODUCTION NOTE: We are still searching for Tatum's hand-double for this scene, but we can use literal sausage on skewers with a blurred camera lense if casting real hands fails.
Grylls thanks Tatum for his efforts but tells him to leave the hunting to the real men, and suddenly sniffs the air in an erect posture. "Bison" he says under his breath, before sprinting in the direction of a pack of wild bison galloping wildly through the trees.
***PRODUCTION NOTE: Research tells me bison would never appear in the forest we're shooting, or any forest, so it's paramount we add a very teeny tiny disclaimer at the end of the episode, after the credits.
6 pm: Dinner Pt. 2: CUT TO: Grylls roasting a 2,000 pound bison on a tree branch over a single flame of fire.
***PRODUCTION NOTE: CGI, obviously.
9 pm: Bed Time: Grylls and guest stumble upon a black bear carcass.
***PRODUCTION NOTE: Please have three live bears ready for execution in case Grylls determines the first to be unusable.
Grylls hollows out the bear meat for ample foot room. Unfortunately, none of the intestines are salvageable for food, so the pair climb inside the decomposing bear and are lulled to sleep by the howl of a nearby wolf pack and the wafting smell of rotting bear hide.
END DAY ONE.
Running Wild with Bear Grylls will premiere July 28. Here's hoping the high-octane adventure will keep us enthralled until Shark Week.