Carmen Electra Is Doing "Werq"

Carmen Electra: Timeless hottie. Actress. Jenny McCarthy’s replacement on Singled Out. Singer. Admittedly, I forget about that last one on the regular. Shame on me. However, I most definitely remembered Electra’s music career Friday morning. Why? Friday morning was when the music video for “Werq" was put in my eyes. "Werq" isn’t a brand spankin' new song, but the music video is a brand spankin' new music video. And duh, I'm obsessed with both the song and the vid.

The song is a club-ready, clap-stompy, laser beamy mood lifter. (Just breaking out some technical music terms for you.) Warning: It'll get ya dancing in your desk chair. The John Waters/Quentin Tarantino-inspired video is black and white and blue all over, Electra looks insanely gorgeous in every shot, and it's ridiculous and campy as all get out. Of course I love it.

As I am wont to do whenever I assume I will really enjoy a music video, I took some notes during my first viewing. Here are 32 of the thoughts that crossed my mind while watching "Werq":

0:00 As much as I like my glasses, I wish I could wear fake eyelashes like those without my lenses getting in the way.

0:06 Uh is someone holding her legs? Is she about to do a wheelbarrow race like we used to do in P.E.? If someone isn’t holding her legs, I feel worse than I thought possible about my lack of upper body strength.

0:08 I would hate playing cards on an ironing board.

0:10 Her body be bangin’.

0:12 Oh my god. She is SERVING IT in that fur thing and that headband.

0:20 If I am moved to cut my own bangs tomorrow morning, it’s Carmen Electra’s fault.

0:28 What are those blue squiggles? Is there something wrong with my monitor?

0:31 Oh, the blue stuff is a part of the video. Okay.

0:32 LMAO at her chucking that man to the ground on repeat.

0:36 Smile! You’re on Candid Carmen Camera.

0:37 Jesus that blue stuff isn’t any less jarring a second time around.

0:46 Where is this? Why is she practicing her gymnastics at the bottom what looks like a mini L.A. River? That concrete can't be fun to land on.

0:52 Okay. I assume that woman in the motorcycle helmet and bandana is Carmen. But like, am I supposed to believe she plans on riding a motorcycle in a tank top and undies? Oof. That’d be the most miserable ride ever.

0:55 I think Carmen's in jail? She's wearing a sexy leopard print bustier number, but the women behind her are in striped prison-y outfits. Why does Carmen get to wear that bustier? NOT FAIR.

1:04 It looks like she was helping that guy stand, suddenly let go, and watched him fall to the ground. ICE COLD.

1:14 Don't stick out your tongue while you're driving! What if you drive over a pothole? You could accidentally bite your tongue off!

1:18 I CAN’T with the jailbird backup dancers.

1:23 Where can I find that entire ensemble?

1:29 That man’s crazy eyes will haunt my dreams.

1:32 Seriously, if he’s supposed to terrify the audience, he succeeds with flying colors.

1:45 LOL WHAT IS THAT GOLF CLUB.

1:52 I will say he's less scary when he's dancing.

1:56 Like, I realize that particular pair of pantyhose was styled to look that way, but this visual causes me a great deal of anxiety. There are few things that stress me out like the threat of runs/snags/holes that accompany a day of wearing pantyhose.

2:15 If I attempted that move, I'd most certainly be bedridden for the rest of the weekend.

2:22 Oh, hey guard. You're probably here to tell Carmen to change into the striped uniform huh?

2:24 Why does this jail have a strobe light?

2:25 JAAAAILBREAAAAAK!

2:35 Ugh I want to go swimming.

2:42 But not if it means I have to feed grapes to that dude.

2:53 HAHAHA I love a sexy dance-turned-gotcha.

2:56 Why not just throw the painting in the pool, too? Seems like that'd be faster than defacing it with whipped cream.

3:03 Werq, werq, werq.

Here's the video. And like I said before, this song will make you want to move your body. You've been warned: