The secret is out. Orange is the New Black's very own Pornstache, a.k.a. Pablo Schreiber, is really hot. Between the hot mess of a mustache and his absolutely reprehensible behavior toward the inmates on OITNB, you can't honestly be blamed for not noticing that there was attractive man buried under there. And, as anyone who has ever seen Schreiber as William Lewis/Dan Kozlowski on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Schreiber is just really good at playing those characters that you love to hate. On Orange is the New Black, it seems like all that George "Pornstache" Mendez wants is to be loved, but is that even possible at this point?
In universe, maybe not. For all that he — spoiler alert — seems determined to be a good father to the baby Daya is having that he thinks is his, that didn't stop him from giving a girl a shot because he didn't like her face and, oh yeah, he's in jail now. Fortunately (or unfortunately), season three will flesh out Pornstache and introduce us to Pornstache's mother played by Mary Steenburgen, so that isn't the last we've seen of him.
In the meantime, Mendez's actions aside, that horrible mustache was definitely hiding the fact that Officer Bennett isn't the only cutie in the prison. Would things have been different if Schreiber hadn't been wearing that mustache? Is there any kind of facial hair that would make Mendez more attractive to the viewing audience, so long as they have the television on mute and close their eyes every time he does something like accidentally kill an inmate?
Okay, maybe not, but it's worth a shot. Pun intended.
1. The Soul Patch
2. The Ron Swanson
3. The Hugh Jackman
4. The Full Beard
5. The Seneca Crane
6. The Batman
7. The... Yikes
Okay, nevermind. Things could be a lot worse than the good old Pornstache pornstache. Still, if you want to be attracted to Mendez free from guilt, it's best to concentrate on Pablo Schreiber who is such a good actor that he managed to fool us all into thinking he was unattractive.