Proof Cristiano Is Really a Ken Doll

In the most conventional sense, Cristiano Ronaldo is a nearly perfect human specimen. Even with that ludicrous lightning bolt shaved into the side of his head and the questionable jewelry, he’s basically a European Ken doll. That chest, those brows, that gelled up hair — he’s too pretty to not be at least 15 percent plastic. On Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel provided us with a "naked" photo of Cristiano Ronaldo proving this fact. The image basically confirms our suspicions that the Portuguese soccer star came out of a Mattel factory, because between the legs, it’s plastic mound city.

In the opening monologue of his show last night, Kimmel revealed a gag photo of Ronaldo going for the full monty. First, we get a glimpse of the Portuguese soccer star shirtless, which should really be the de-facto thumbnail for this year's World Cup. We get it, Cristiano. Your chest rivals that of Adonis and you like to showboat your pecs. Pretty much every time we see Cristiano Ronaldo shirtless, another baby is born into the world. However, below the waist, Kimmel’s photo shows the thighs and junk of a Ken doll, hinge-y hips and all.

The picture shows Ronaldo’s torso Photoshopped onto Ken’s legs, giving him the look of a human-toy centaur. Also, he’s got a thigh gap the size of the English Channel. Even if the Portuguese soccer dynamo has been morphed into a universal World Cup meme, we’re definitely not tired of the joke yet. These gags are actually making our lives in June 2014 worth living. Check out the video below, and just try to stop yourself from laughing. Also, for added fun, imagine a Ronaldo doll mashing up against your Queen Guinevere Barbie (because you were a nerd like me) in a futile attempt at Barbie sex. We dare you not to chuckle.