Jennifer Aniston, Chicken Owner and Kale Eater, Is Totally An Undercover Hipster
Watching Jennifer Aniston's appearance on Chelsea Lately Wednesday night, it came as a shock that the We're the Millers actress and fiancé Justin Theroux have chickens. And, just like that, the world started to make sense. A light came on and my entire perception of America's Sweetheart was forever changed. Because, folks, despite her best efforts to cover it up, Jennifer Aniston is a total hipster.
Yeah, you heard me. And no chic dresses or gorgeous blow-outs are going to convince me otherwise. Because was it not just this month that hipster-raised chickens enjoyed their moment in the spotlight? Hipsters freaking love their chickens. But that isn't all: Aniston, as we know, is also obsessed with kale, the most hipster vegetable of all vegetables. To boot, the actress is all about clean living and yoga and shit. Also, have you seen her fiancé? In his personal time he dresses like this:
Yeah. And you can't even counter my argument by pulling out the whole, "Oh, but she married Brad Pitt" thing, because he is sort of cashing on the same trend. (Hello beaded beard!) Now that Aniston is raising chickens and eating kale, the only thing to do next is move to Williamsburg, thereby convincing all hipsters to move out of Williamsburg, because a hipster non-hipster like Aniston is the least hipster thing to happen to hipsters, right?
Ah well, at least Aniston is hipster in all of the right ways. After all, she could be a nudist. Then again, she'd look great after all that kale.