The Clip-In Dreadlocks You Definitely Don't Need

Finally, the day has come — hipster-dom has jumped the shark. Why? Because Free People is selling clip-in dreadlocks. Are they cute? No. Will they make you look like the biggest jerk at the music festival? Yes. Yes they will. What they won't do is help you resemble Demi Lovato in her probably fake dreads. They'll only help you resemble a complete tool.

Firstly, the fake dreads are hideous. They are made of wool, silk, and cotton and decorated with "wood, bead, and flower accents" according to the product description. What they actually look like is a looming project gone completely haywire. Secondly, they are expensive as all hell for no discernible reason. A bundle of ten dreadlock extensions runs you $128. Sorry, but never. As Hannah Ongley from Styleite points out, "these are literally made from a bunch of crap," so that doesn't exactly justify the price tag. Oh, and, of course, they bring up the whole cultural appropriative nature of many festival fashion staples yet again. Dreads originated with the Rastafari movement — which protested white, European beauty standards — in the ‘30s, so they can be seen as just as offensive as, say, wearing a Native American headdress on the cover of Elle .

I hate these dreadlocks. I hate them as much as Courtney Love hates flower crowns. I hate them as much as I used to hate flower crowns before I discovered the Free People dreadlock extensions and realized that flower crowns are comparably much more pleasant on the eyes.

If you are a preteen daydreaming about an alterna-lifestyle in which your name is Flower and you protest various injustices while braless in a peasant top (that is the only possible demographic for these), then you can choose between two colors of the "Purple Finch Dreadlock Extentions 10pk:" neutral tie-dye or blue tie-dye. Here's a photo to help you decide:

The rest of us should stay far away. If you insist on dreadlocks, go about them the old-fashioned way. Dreadlocks, like ballet, are definitely outside of Free People's wheelhouse.