Rep. Frank Lucas Is Actually Dead, Has A (Living!) Body Double, According To His Ex-Challenger

Talk about being a sore loser. In one of the strangest reasons to ever contest a political defeat, Timothy Ray Murray accused longtime Oklahoma congressman Frank Lucas (R-OK) of being dead. But that's not all. In addition to being ineligible to run for Congress given his deceased status, Lucas is also accused of actually being "displayed by a look alike," i.e. using a body double to continue his legacy. As such, Murray plans to contest the primary results of Oklahoma's 3rd district. You just can't make this stuff up.

So as to avoid cries of hypocrisy, Murray made sure to assure voters that he, unlike his opponent Lucas, is a living, breathing, human entity who should be representing Oklahoma residents in our nation's capital. This, in his mind, automatically makes him the most qualified candidate in the field, as both his fellow contenders do not meet the first criterion for eligibility: being alive.

On his website, Murray has posted the following statement about his own legitimacy:

I, Timothy Ray Murray, am a human, born in Oklahoma, and obtained and continue to fully meet the requirements to serve as U.S. Representative when honored to so. I will never use a look alike to replace my (The Office’s) message to you or to anyone else, as both the other Republican Challengers have.

"But how would Murray know that Lucas was dead?" you may ask. And Murray, in his commendable attempts to be thorough, has addressed this point as well. His website reads,

Rep. Frank Lucas, and a few other Oklahoma and other States’ Congressional Members were depicted as being executed by The World Court on or about Jan. 11, 2011 in Southern Ukraine. On television they were depicted as being executed by the hanging about the neck until death on a white stage and in front of witnesses.
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Apparently, Murray is the only person in the United States who has noticed that members of our Congress were executed three and a half years ago in Europe. Why he has waited until 2014 to run, then, is unfathomable to us.

But perhaps Murray is not the only one to realize this vast conspiracy theory. He continues,

Other now current Members of Congress have shared those facts on television also. We know that it is possible to use look alike artificial or manmade replacements, however Rep. Lucas was not eligible to serve as a Congressional Member after that time.

At this time, it is unclear as to what other members of Congress have shared either the illegitimacy of their own being or the execution of their colleagues, but perhaps with Murray taking the first step, others will soon follow suit. And to be fair, Murray is correct — artificial replacements are not eligible to serve as members of Congress.

In a final declaration of genuineness, Murray writes,

I will NEVER use Artificial Intelligence look alike to voice what The Representative’s Office is doing nor own a robot look alike.
Oli Scarff/Getty Images News/Getty Images

We applaud you, Timothy Ray Murray.

For the record, Murray does stand for platforms in addition to banning the usage of manmade replacements in Congress, including balancing the budget, protecting agriculture, and tax reform. He also claims to "believe in values like those of the Nixon, Ford, and Reagan eras," or the good ol' days, in which Congressmen were still real human beings.

Murray has also posted a planned press release addressed to "News person," which reads,

The election for U.S. House for Oklahoma’s 3rd District will be contested by the Candidate, Timothy Ray Murray. I will be stating that his votes are switched with Rep. Lucas votes, because it is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike. Rep. Lucas’ look alike was depicted as sentenced on a white stage in southern Ukraine on or about Jan. 11, 2011.

Rep. Lucas, taking things in stride, told a local news station, "Many things have been said about me, said to me in the course of all my campaigns. This is the first time I’ve ever been accused of being a body double or a robot."

But all things considered, there is no better proof of the accessibility of the American political system than the ability of Timothy Ray Murray to throw his hat in the ring for Congress, all the while accusing opponents of being dead body doubles. God bless the U.S.A.