Why Is 'Ladies of London' So Boring?

We wanted to love it — cultural clash, obscure titles, and a Fourth of July feud. But Bravo's Ladies of London has arrived with a thud. The American/Brit struggles fizzled out by the time Juliet's half-hearted flag-waving came to an end a few episodes ago. The Real Housewives franchises usually boil down to simple frenemies. Tamra vs. Heather. Kenya vs. Phaedra. Aviva vs. any and everyone. So let’s pull at whatever threads we have and see if Ladies of London can hold the weight of a true full-season conflict.

Caroline is far too passive aggressive to start anything, but she's brilliant at stopping anyone from forgetting a minor slight. She knows how to mix refinement and entitlement, and Julie and Marissa could learn from her, because she pops and they've become boring.

Juliet seemed like the villain of the season. She’s everything the British girls hate; she’s loud, rude, and talkative, loves getting wasted, and her opinions always sound pulled out of her arse. She’s a whole lot of fun, at least when contained in one hour per week on a Bravo series. But without anything approaching an ally, she’s had way too much time to second guess herself. What housewife worth her salt sleeps on an argument and wakes up with the conclusion that she was in the wrong? A BORING ONE. A boring one does. Come on, Juliet. You can do better. And, of course, better meaning much, much worse.

Annabelle claims she’s “rock and roll,” dresses like a hipster motorcycle gang member, and yet is the most uptight one of them all. I’m afraid she’s actually an elderly duchess whose been granted one magical season of television to live as a 35 year-old socialite and will disappear, leaving behind a single lace doily.

Noelle needs to dump Scot before it's possible to even look at her without seeing anything more than total delusion. Girl, go dig for gold around a guy who isn’t supposedly bankrupt and in the midst of one of history's nastiest divorces, okay?

Caprice is having two babies at once while battling a serious addiction to having her picture taken. She’s a good character, especially for how desperately she wants to be British and how terrible she is at realizing it, but besides that she's too boring to actually be the center of anything interesting.

What we need on this show is a few Americans who aren’t lifelong Anglophiles. Throw in a lady there on her own business, not tagging along with a husband to arrange events or desperately trying to be photographed by paparazzi. And this show absolutely needs at least one person with frizzy hair. The constant drizzle would drive them mad.

Imagine Real Housewives of New York's Ramona Singer in London: “Who are you to get my hair wet? WHO ARE YOU TO GET ME WET?!?! HUNH?!?!? WHO ARE YOU???” to the sky, every day, all the time. “How gauche,” Caroline would probably murmur to herself, alone, while the cameras weren’t rolling, several years after this show is cancelled for being too boring. Come on Bravo, if anyone knows how to spice up a reality series, it's you. Let's give these ladies something to do besides plan events and wear fancy hats.

Image: Bravo