Exciting news for TMNT fans— yet another new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer has been released for Michael Bay's upcoming adaptation of the franchise. And by "exciting", of course, I mean "increasingly disheartening," because every new poster and trailer released just makes the film look more and more like exactly what it is: an impending trainwreck so monumental not even a team of, say, teenage mutant ninja turtles would be able to stop it.
Besides the freakish, nightmare-inducing CGI and the fact that the dialogue sounds like it came from a "make-your-own '90s cartoon catchphrase generator," I'm probably least excited about the casting of Megan Fox as the Turtles' yellow-bodysuited friend and girl Friday April O'Neil, a TV reporter.
When you think "spunky, plucky young reporter," Fox is hardly the next name that comes to mind. I'm not throwing shade at Fox here. Actually, I think she's a cool lady who seems to have her life pretty well together and her priorities in order (is she the best actress? No, but it's a Teenage Mutant Turtles Movie, that's kind of besides the point). I just think that Michael Bay made a pretty major casting mistake when he gave the role to Fox, especially when I can name, like, 20 other actresses who could have made a better April. In fact, I think I'm going to do that now.
Here are my picks for actresses who could have made better April O'Neils than Megan Fox.
Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Literally This Toaster
Who knows, maybe Megan will surprise me. Here's hoping.