Just when you think Tyra Banks has quietly settled into the faraway land of slowly aging supermodels who are out of their prime, yet continue to make absurd amounts of money anyway, she pops up again to share some golden nuggets of wisdom with us all. Thank God, right? And this time, her thoughts are a little more serious than just some basic insight into "smiling with your eyes" (still trying to figure out how that actually works). Banks recently wrote a piece for the Wall Street Journal about the future of fashion. Let me just say that again: Tyra Banks recently wrote a piece for the Wall Street Journal. Alright, just wanted to make sure that part was clear.
And while her thesis was about the general direction she sees the fashion industry tumbling towards, the topic wasn't just next season's biggest trends. What Banks is discussing here is what fashion is going to look like decades from now. We're talking, like, ANTM Cycle 342.
Banks formatted her piece as a list of 10 predictions for where fashion is headed. Whether this is because roughly 85 percent of current journalism is listicles or because she's Tyra Banks and paragraphs are hard, I do not know. However, it does pose a good question: Why spend time and effort crafting an essay for one of the most respected journalism institutes of all time when you can just casually jot down some thoughts on your iPhone while receiving a hot stone massage, right?
Some of the highlights of Banks' list? Get ready.
Well, first of all, everyone will want curly hair. Why? We don't know, but that's what Tyra Banks says. And apparently, that matters. Additionally, "hourglass, curvy bodies will be the aspirational beauty standard." Banks explains that this is because global warming will have destroyed most of our crops, making fuller figures representative of a better diet and, ultimately, wealth. Yes, the list got deep, guys.
Oh. And everyone will have robots. Yes, ok, robots are a pretty standard fixture in terms of predicting the future. But Banks was pretty specific on this point, stating that the robots will be able to sense when their owner is low on self-esteem and will then say things like, "Wow, Eloisa! Your eyes look especially lovely today!"
I can already see mine now, "Good morning, Olivia! Forget about that entire box of Cheez-Its you just ate and go take on the world! Put on some pants! You are a fierce, fabulous, sassy warrior princess." Banks may have a point here. The robot thing could work. But I digress.
While it's interesting that the Wall Street Journal chose to celebrate its 125th birthday by having celebs write pieces (yes, we know, Taylor Swift has something to say about something), one has to wonder just exactly what an editor was thinking after reading this and then deciding to print it.
I mean, come on Tyra, we all saw Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. We know about the future.
However, it would be kind of fun if there was a robot that did this when we needed some real talk:
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