'Man of Steel,' Gillette, and Twizzlers: One of These Things Is Not Like the Others

It goes without saying that ad placement is, at this point, intrinsically linked to movie budgets, and thus the making of high-budget movies. However, we have to draw a line, and wherever that line may be, the Superman ads for both Gillette and Twizzlers are about 300 feet beyond it. They're weird, confusing, and most importantly, make no goddamn sense.

I mean look at this:

Not only does Superman not relate to Twizzlers, the ad doesn't even try and make the two related. Consumers must be even dumber than I thought if going, "Look, Superman! Now... Twizzlers!" is enough to convince us to buy that product. I've said before how stunningly handsome Superman is, but it's a far leap to hope that just looking at Henry Cavill in a really tight suit is going to make us horny for Twizzlers.

Then there's the Gillette ads, which, due to their placement all over my morning commute on the subway, are a topic of rage and potentially future vengeance. The pithy campaign asks us the real question we've all wondered about Superman for years: How does he shave? OH WAIT, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE EVER WONDERED THAT. It doesn't even make sense. Either he used a razor like everyone else, or he magically sends his facial hair into space. It doesn't matter because, oh, you know, he's Superman and he comes from another planet and has superhuman strength and he can fly. His facial hygiene habits are just about the last thing on anyone's mind.

The most annoying thing is that there are so many products that Superman would have been a perfect fit for. Energy drinks, batteries, NASA, hell, fricking weightlifting videos. His two main features are super strength and the whole alien-from-outer-space thing — why are those the two angles not being worked in an advertisement? As a consumer, the last thing I want to feel is hit over the head with product placement or, worse yet, insulted by how badly it's done.The blatant shittiness of these ads make the new Superman look like the cheap hooker cousin of all other superhero movies. And no one should be debased in such a way. Especially not Superman. He deserves more than that.