Well, I certainly hope you’re happy, writers, because your decision to kill off True Blood's best guy Alcide Herveaux has left us all in need of some very serious and probably highly expensive therapy — though, to be fair, is there really any other kind of therapy? And we’re not talking about something a jar of Nutella and a bottle of wine can fix (however, those things certainly wouldn’t hinder the process). No, what we’re dealing with is code red–level feelings that are in desperate need of getting out into the open. And what better place to do that than in an environment filled with others who share our borderline unhealthy obsession with fictional TV characters? (We're all in this together, people.)
Yes, indeed, it’s been a pretty rough week emotionally. As if Alcide’s death wasn’t enough to contend with, let’s not forget that we’ve also had to cope with the idea of Ryan Gosling becoming a father, successfully sending all of our ovaries into a sad state of depression. I mean, there’s only so much disappointment a person can be expected to endure in such a short amount of time. So as we look to come to grips with the werewolf-size hole Alcide’s departure has left in our hearts, let’s take a look at our recent emotional state, which has served as quite the roller coaster ride over the past few days. Ron Burgundy knows what we’re talking about…
First, There Was CONFUSION
Did that just happen?
Which Quickly Turned Into SHOCK
OMG, that just happened.
From There, We Progressed Into Full-On DENIAL
Characters come back to life on supernatural shows all the time. It's totally not a big deal. Sure, Alcide was shot in the head, but that's nothing a little Advil couldn't cure. Who's worried? We're not worried.
This Led To A Brief Bout Of INSANITY
Alcide has to return to the show. HE JUST HAS TO.
Followed Quickly By PANIC
Or maybe Joe Manganiello could at least bring us something dipped in chocolate.
Then The RAGE Surfaced
Suffice to say, it wasn't pretty.
It Transitioned Into DEPRESSION
And Excessive Amounts of DRINKING
Because the only thing worse than crying is crying while completely sober.
After That Came EXHAUSTION
Feelings overload. Must recharge.
Which Brings Us To Our Most Current State: NUMBNESS
So thanks, True Blood. Our lives will never be the same. Because they're ruined now.