The World Cup Is Over, So Here's How To Deal
Well friends, the time has come to say goodbye to the FIFA World Cup. It's been a long and thrilling journey. One filled with Germany handing Brazil their golden tanned bums on a plate, the United States going farther than most soccer aficionados would have ever expected, and a whole bunch of the world's best athletes rolling around on the field like big babies. Alas, the World Cup comes to a close this Sunday with the final match between Germany and Argentina.
Where will we all be when the World Cup is no longer filling our bars and televisions with the sounds of screams and chanting? Even more alarming, what will we do without those glorious office-wide 90-minute lunch breaks? THE LUNCH BREAKS MY GOD THE WORLD CUP LUNCH BREAKS. Fare thee well, pints at noon and more jeans days than there e'er were. Alas, alas, alas...
But friends of footie, let's not despair. Rather, let's remember the good times and look to the future. A future in which perhaps the rest of the world will stop mocking America for its "lack" of soccer fandom. A future in which more people feel safer saying: "I'm actually more of a soccer fan than a football fan." It's not too far off!
Until then, here's how you can deal with the World Cup coming to a close.
Throw World Cup Theme Parties Year 'Round
Now that your friends are in on the world's game, you don't have to celebrate it but once every four years.
Make a Shrine to Tim Howard in Your Cubicle
And when you think about how much work sucks, just remember how hard of a job he had.
Buy This Calendar
Shirtless version still pending.
Go See Some Actual Soccer Games
You don't have to wait until the World Cup to get into the game. Support the American Soccer League, y'all.
Travel the World!
Have a particular team you were rooting for this year? Welp, why not save up and plan an adventurous vacation and then see a soccer game while you're there? Outlandish? Sure. Impossible? No way!
Remember the saddest Man at the World Cup
And suddenly you won't feel so blue
Then Remember All of Those Awful Calls by the Refs
Because sometimes you need anger to help you get over something.
And when all else fails, console yourself with a few cups of this:
You're going to be okay, I promise.