Oh, Starbucks. For a company that decided to christen one of their drinks the “Frappuccino,” they really should’ve given their baristas a crash course in spelling. To be fair, this is a world filled with parents who decided to bestow their children with names like “Michqael” and “Sidqney” (the q’s are silent, people), but nevertheless, everyone’s favorite Sharpie-wielding coffee creators manage to churn out some epic, and epically hilarious, spelling screw-ups of even the simplest names. Multiple Tumblr accounts and hashtags have been created in honor of the funniest Starbucks fails, and the laughs just keep on coming.
While it’s not surprising to see names like “Allen” turn into “Alien,” or “Phoebe” into “Feeby,” what if Starbucks was suddenly flooded with a bunch of Katniss Everdeens? What would the side of Hermione Granger’s cup read (or rather, what would it read before her perfectionism kicked in and she immediately charmed it to the correct spelling)? Honestly, if Daenerys Targaryen ordered a Caffè Latt e to help keep her on point while bossing around The Unsullied, who could blame a barista for scribbling a #StarbucksFail on the side of the iconic (and oh-so-Instagrammable) cup? Well, her dragons probably would, but other than that it would be totally understandable.
I rounded up a few television and film characters with difficult names and guessed what their Starbucks experience might be like. Count your blessings baristas, and pray that the characters below never order from you.
Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)
Order: Raspberry cheesecake cappuccino with extra whipped cream, off the secret menu. She can't be seen ordering the same thing as the rest of us peasants.
#StarbucksFail: "Barry Waldo"
Poussey Washington (Orange Is The New Black)
Order: Green Tea Latte, since we found out in Season 2 she's really into, ahem, "herbal" supplements.
#StarbucksFail: "???" (Obviously they were too embarrassed to actually try and write it.)
Joffrey Baratheon (Game Of Thrones)
Order: Americano with four extra shots of espresso
#StarbucksFail: "Jeff" (The barista was immediately thrown in prison.)
Daenerys Targaryen (Game Of Thrones)
Order: Iced coffee with a shake of cinnamon
#StarbucksFail: "Dan Turdgarden"
Ichabod Crane (Sleepy Hollow)
Order: Iced Mocha
#StarbucksFail: "Icky Bod Crane"
Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
Order: Black coffee. (She's got to stay alert for possible threats from the Capitol at all times.)
#StarbucksFail: "Cat Piss Everdeen"
Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games)
Order: White Hot Chocolate, because he's adorable and so is his drink order.
#StarbucksFail: "Pita Bread"
Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)
Order: Earl Grey Brewed Tea
#StarbucksFail: "Shirley Home"
Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
Order: Full Leaf Chai Tea, to keep her calm and awake to study.
#StarbucksFail: "Hermaphrodite Gazer"
If any of you reading this are baristas, I think we can all agree it's time to pull it together.
Images: Quinn Keaney