Stop Telling Me How To Be Attractive

When the headline reads "17 Little Things Attractive Girls Do Differently," there really are only two ways the rest of the article can go. If it's written by a woman, it'll be some girl amped up on internalized misogyny disguised as concern wanting to help girls be less like whoever they naturally are. If it's written by a man it will be some arrogant, self-centered, whiny man-child who thinks his opinions and preferences are the end-all, be-all of the universe. In this particular article, it happens to be the second option.

I could spend a lot of time discussing the 17 points in Jason Motta's Thought Catalogue article, picking them all apart individually, but instead, I'm going to go the shorter route and answer each item with the same two word rebuttal, said in my boredly contemptuous voice: "Fuck you."

Seriously, dude. You want me to, among other things, be happier, never complain, never talk about work or my exes, be close with my parents but not with my girlfriends, cook, work out, not drink too much, make you feel special, and do it all while wearing a dress. And just who exactly are you that I should give a damn what you think of me? You, who want people to make you feel special but insist on treating other people like abstract concepts that should be molded into some pleasing ideal? Grow up.

But this isn't really just about Jason Motta. It's about all the guys who seem to think that women should make it their mission to be more attractive. As though women's job is to be pleasing to men. As though we should care less about who we are than we do about how guys see us. As though men should always be first on our minds.

You know what's first on my mind on any given day? My own life. I have, on any given day, about eight million things to consider, and whether or not my life and my personality are meeting some random criteria for attractiveness is so far down it doesn't even register.

I don't know where someone gets the idea that they should be able to dictate how girls act, or why any rational person would assume that just because you announce your opinions about what makes a girl attractive that women everywhere will feel any obligation to comply. Do these people think we're all so desperate for a man, any man, that we'll all just remake our whole lives so that we can snare one?

And I sure as hell don't know what gives anyone the idea that their opinions about what makes a girl attractive or appealing are in any way universal.

But this much I do know: If being "attractive" means a dude like the one who wrote this article is more likely to talk to me for any length of time, I'd rather be just about anything else.