Lindsay Lohan won an award in the year 2014. And no, it wasn't a belated Razzie for her turn in The Canyons, you snarky stooge. She was given an actual trophy at an actual Italian film and music festival. Well, shucks. Good for— Hold up. Why? Which movie? Wait. Was it for a SONG?! Did I miss something major?!?! Eh, no: While she wasn't presented with an award for a particular performance, she did win the Biggest Comeback Award at the Ischia Global Film & Music Fest. I could be making a leap, but that sounds like the Ischia Global Film & Music Fest’s way of saying “you gave us quite a scare for a few years, but you got this. We believe in you! Onwards and upwards. Break a leg!” Right there with you, Ischia Global Film & Music Fest. Right there with you.
Lohan’s story has been a veritable comeback roller-coaster ride, but maybe this is the time it will stick. This could be THE LiLo comeback. Who knows? Perhaps she’ll prove the skeptics wrong and live up to the award. Perhaps this award isn't premature. Perhaps this is just the beginning of the Lohan renaissance. The Lohanaissance. And hey, that'd be awesome. I mean it when I say I'm rooting for her.
Since we're already here, why not give her a few more awards? Any of the following much-deserved superlatives would fit on the shelf next to that Biggest Comeback seahorse trophy and her pile of Teen Choice Awards:
Best Delivery of a Mathy Line (Mean Girls)
Best Performance In The One Movie I Refuse To Delete From My DVR (Liz & Dick)
Best Oprah Interview In Recent Memory
Best Delivery Of A Gibberish Word That Would Go On To Be Embraced By Popular Culture ("Grool" in Mean Girls)
Cleanest Execution of An Elaborate Handshake (The Parent Trap)
And finally, Most Convincing Performance Opposite A Doll-Turned-Human (Life-Size)
That is one of the best GIFs on the Internet, don't you forget it.