7 Times '50 Shades' Made My Brain & Loins Disagree

Alright, I get it and now I'm a believer in everyone's favorite offensively-labeled "mommy porn." Forget everything you thought you knew about yourself and go watch the first 50 Shades of Grey trailer because, while I'll admit that I read the 50 Shades trilogy, I was not about to pour my money into tickets to the see the movie when it's released on February 14, 2015. Not even after Beyoncé teased the trailer on Instagram on July 19, in perhaps the greatest PR move of all time. Now, however, I will absolutely be there because this trailer is actually so good that I now believe in miracles.

I know what you're thinking — the movie will be so over-the-top that it might as well be a comedy. Well, you're wrong. It might be that Jamie Dornan is a near-perfect Christian Grey to the point where it deactivated all of my senses or that somehow, Dakota Johnson figured out how to make Anastasia "Ana" Steele not entirely insufferable, or there's some Illuminati shit going on here and Beyoncé is hypnotizing us with her voice because I. Am. Into. It. My normal, functioning brain was rendered completely useless and by the time the trailer was over, I was Googling whether or not I could buy advanced tickets to 50 Shades.

So, if you weren't planning on seeing this movie, here are seven times the trailer convinced you that you totally should:

When Christian Grey Drums His Fingers On His Desk

What I Should've Thought: "That is so annoying and RUDE."

What I Actually Thought: "Jamie Dornan has great hands — wow."

"I am Looking At You."

What I Should've Thought: "Wow, okay. Creeper."

What I Actually Thought: "Can he see my soul? He probably can — god I hope it's not embarrassing me."

The Elevator Kissing Scene

What I Should've Thought: "What is this, Gossip Girl?"

What I Actually Thought: Paris Hilton voice: "That's hot."

This Sexual Dinner Scene

What I Should've Thought: "Walter White did it first. Also, INAPPROPRIATE — YOUR MOM IS SITTING RIGHT THERE."

What I Actually Thought: "Damn."

This Flying Sequence

What I Should've Thought: "This is the worst."

What I Actually Thought: "Jamie Dornan should totally learn how to fly planes because again, HOT."

These Shackles

What I Should've Thought: "Nope. This is ridiculous. HA HA HA."

What I Actually Thought: "This is exceeding my expectations. Also, I might be into this IRL. (MIGHT.)"

This Last Shot

What I Should've Thought: "What is this movie's rating? Also, again, this is ridiculous."

What I Actually Thought: "Fine, Beyoncé. Fine. We're all crazy in love with this trailer. I'll go see this movie."

What the full 50 Shades of Grey trailer here:

Images: YouTube (8)