I'm totally stoked for Britney Spears' upcoming intimates line. Like circle-the-date-with-a-red-Sharpie-heart stoked. While Brit Brit is known for her sloppy ponytails, love of Uggs, and graphic tees in her offstage life and in her street style, the idea of "Britimates" is intriguing, since at one point, she oozed sex and had the hottest celeb body…ever.
But Brit's former 1000-situps-a-day body isn't an Everybody. So her undergarments might not work for all of us. Personally, I have Ds, which are a blessing and a curse, since it feels like I am carrying around basketballs and they require a gravity-battling bra. Thank God Victoria's Secret makes stylish bras I want to wear and that don't look like breast plates.
Spears's latest venture and my own personal boob/undies conundrum got me thinking about other celebs who could and should branch out and create lingerie lines. Let's face it. The public is often drawn to celeb-branded apparel or products for a variety of psychological reasons, from wanting to emulate a fave star to thinking that a celeb's backing means it's a better product.
Victoria's Secret and even Aerie have the mass market cornered and I am so freaking sick of celeb fragrances or capsule collections. We all have to wear undies — well, at least in theory — and Brit-branded underthings shouldn't be the sole option.
Here are eight celebs I'd like to launch a range of panties, bras, bustiers, and boy shorts and why!
1. Katy Perry
The singer is blessed with some major boobage. She wore a blush bra and panties on one of her Rolling Stone covers so something in that style, meaning equal parts support and sex appeal, is something Perry "gets" and could translate for the masses and for regular curvy girls. She could revert to her former Candyland aesthetic, too, and make undies fun, with lollipop prints, Hershey's Kiss foil-mimicking fabric, or a set designed like Reese's Peanut Butter Cup wrappers. Maybe?
2. Kate Upton
Like Perry, the model is well-endowed in the chest-icle region. I'd love for Upton to craft a line of bras with halter neck support or specifically designed for girls who like to wear t-shirts but need more support than most with their boulder holder. You know, something that allows for and encourages cleavage without looking like you're spilling out or wearing a size too small.
3. Taylor Swift
T. Swizzle is model tall and stick thin. She has a boyish shape and with her cavity-causing, America's BFF persona, she doesn't exactly strike me as the type to wear, you know, garter belts, fishnets, or other scintillating stuff underneath the Jackie O-inspired ensembles. (But wouldn't that be a fun twist?!) Swift could totally get away with creating a line of more, um, athletic undies. Think polka dot boy shorts and bandeaus, and slip-like nightgowns with subtle pearl details.
4. Lauren Conrad
Fresh off her basic bitch classification in Allure, LC's sweet, femme style totes lends itself to intimates. Floral prints, a pastel palette, sheer, knee-length nightgowns with cap sleeves, and kimono short sets would be the order of the day.
5. Kendall And Kylie Jenner
The sisters have their PacSun line, which is a mass market step up from their other sisters and their Sears line, since, you know, you buy power tools, not clothes, at Sears. The Sisters Jenner could partner with another, TBD teen-centric brand for monochromatic yet trendy cotton bra and panties sets, yoga pants, and sporty sleep sets. As long as they don't have "Jenner" stamped on the ass, thank you very much.
6. Lady Gaga
Mommy Monster often goes pants-less or allows her underwear to serve a double purpose, with the second being outerwear. Leather bustiers and high-waisted, diamond-encrusted panties and bras would work. But she would have to have an accompanying line of shoes. You know, glossy, patent leather, ankle strap pumps with the shortest available heel measuring at 7 inches. Yeah, okay, this is starting to drift into stripperwear territory. Would wear.
7. Jennifer Lopez
A J. Lo intimates line would be everything and anything leopard print. That's it. Oh, and it would accentuate the booty. Built-in butt lifts in leopard print? That's so Lo.
8. Nicki Minaj
The rap vixen loves the color pink. She names her albums and fragrances after it and incorporates the shade into most of her image. She is all about thinking pink, so she could veritably create a lingerie line of just pretty pink things, available as a limited edition range available only in October, which is BCA month. She can do hot pink, airy pink, deep pink... color gradations would let her avoid looking like a Pepto-Bismol bottle exploded on the pieces.