Disney is largely responsible for the fact that "fairy tale" and "princess" are two of the most widely-used references in Say Yes To The Dress. Everybody knows this! When you talk about the "marriage-industrial complex" in pop culture, Mickey Mouse is pointing to himself somewhere in the world with his thumbs, saying "This guy did that..." So when I found out that Disney makes wedding dresses, I wasn't shocked in the least. Who, you ask, provides the inspiration for these confections of tulle? Welp, surprise, surprise —the dresses are inspired by Disney princesses. Naturally, the next question question to ask is: What would the Disney princesses think of their requisite gowns?
For the past three years, Disney has been in the trade of selling wedding dresses. Perusing the selection of bridal boutique on "Disney's Fairy Tale Wedding and Honeymoon" website, you'll find dresses for each bridal season inspired by Ariel, Jasmine, Tiana, Aurora, and Snow White. However, it's a bit difficult to differentiate one dress from the other. They range from bland quinceñera, to surprisingly pretty and tasteful, to "How the heck will I pee in that?" I mean, do these dresses even suit the tastes of the real housewives of Disney? Let's imagine just how the eponymous princesses would react to their applied wedding dresses. 'Cause honestly, Disney princess shade just never gets old.
Ariel may have worn hers in 2014 ... if she were totally basic
It's kinda pretty, but overall "meh." Plus, are the weird wrinkly pieces of tulle supposed to be waves?
Iunno... Ariel doesn't want to be impolite, but this look isn't really her. She asked for a two-piece ensemble with a shell bra.
Belle isn't paying for her dress
The modern rendition of Belle's goldenrod ball gown mimics the original's draping effect with that overskirt, but the effect is not cute. A girl who reads isn't gonna wear this.
Belle's like, "And how am I gonna visit the whiz palace in this?"
Cinderella wanted something "different"
Cinderella's wedding dress is essentially a prom dress with a pop of blue to allude to the muse's magical gown. More than anything, this ribbon resembles the kind you put on a pig at the state fair. Plus, we're starting to see a pattern of strapless here.
Let's go to the OG gal. I mean, she thinks it's pretty and all, but it's eerily similar to both Belle's and Ariel's dress. She gives it an uncomfortable smile.
Jasmine's dress is so off the mark
Jasmine's wedding dress is not horrible, but really not good. At least there's a change of pace from the huge puffy skirt, and it has straps. But seriously, what's with the purple embellished ribbon? Also, way to differentiate this dress as "Indian" with the jewel headpiece accessory.
What say you, Jasmine? "Uhmmm... You're kidding, right?"
Sleeping Beauty's dress at least has some pink in it!
Sure, the pink is mostly in the form of that totally pukey appliqué, but therein lies the creative interpretation! Also, just as a side note, the front looks like it got caught in a pair of subway doors, and the bride had to rend it forth from the train.
Sleeping Beauty gives it a blank stare.
Snow White's gown is actually on the money ...
It has cap-sleeves, a pretty lace overlay and is not a princess style. Way to go, designers!
Snow White is pleased beyond expression. Her wedding dress won't look like all the other basic bitch frocks!
Tiana's dress has an inscrutable cape
I don't remember her wearing any one-shoulder dresses with any capes in The Princess and The Frog ...
Tiana's like "Uh, gross..."
There you have it, folks. At David's Bridal of Disneyland, you'll find a dress to make you feel like a princess for the entire six hours of your wedding. It takes a lot of dinglehoppers to look this cheap.
Images: Amazon.com; Dedicatedprincess, Obsessedwith-Disney/Tumblr; DisneyWeddings.com; Giphy (6)