Vanassa Receives An Unconventional Gift

Back-to-back nights of Game of Crowns? To what do we owe this great honor? I expected to watch a Ladies of London unaired footage special Monday night. I am almost positive I saw that nestled in the schedule directly after Real Housewives of Orange County. Did I imagine that listing? Did Bravo cut it from the schedule at the last minute? I don’t know what happened. I may never know what happened.

What I do know: There wasn’t an ep of LoL Monday night. Instead, the evening belonged to RHOC and GoC. Fortunately, I am able to shift gears when driving the reality TV car rather efficiently. Within seconds, I removed my fascinator and stuck my tiara on my head. And like that, I was ready to watch the Ms. New England States pageant.

After Sunday night’s episode, I really wasn’t too jazzed about Lynne. After Monday night’s episode, I'm still catching the vibe that she made up that serious shit about Nick and spread it around the Tri-State Area like an Aqua Net-fueled wildfire. And I still think shit's mega messed up.

But I'd be lying if I said the Ms. New England States pageant first runner-up didn't make me cackle like a grackle multiple times during Monday's ep. And I'd be lying if I said I don't love to laugh. Credit where credit is due.

I jotted down a few of her crass-tacular quotes, natch.

Lynne re: Leha and Vanassa's newfound friendship: “The two of them are closer than two balls dangling between a dick."

Lynne's dress rack offer to Susanna: “Would you like to share my rack?”

Lynne re: her blue hair: “Just so you know, the carpets do match the drapes."

I can't stop replaying the "closer than two balls dangling between a dick" line and chuckling to myself. And you know what? I hope I never stop chuckling at that line.

My favorite moment of the ep, however, was when Lynne presented Vanassa with a sparkly pink Cuchini before the Ms. New England States pageant. I am DISAPPOINTED the scene is not available on Bravo's site. Lynne's casual explanation plus Vanassa's being appalled yielded magical results and I'd like to be able to revisit that scene at a moment's notice.

Alas, I will survive.

What's a Cuchini? Glad you asked:

Nothing says "welcome back to the pageantry world" like a sparkly accouterment for a lady's nether regions.

Image: Bravo