Taylor Swift's New Album Gets Clue 3 & Its Hidden Meaning Isn't So Hidden
Apparently, Taylor Swift just loves to tease her fans, because Swift uploaded a third album "clue" to Instagram on Thursday... and it makes absolutely no sense. I mean, I realize that it's a clue, and it can't just lay out all of the details for us... but wouldn't that be nice? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am beyond thirsty for new music from T. Swift, and this tedious guessing game is testing my (admittedly very small amount of) patience.
So what's the Swifter Sweeper got going on for us this time? Oh, you know, it's just a screenshot of the Yahoo! home page with the words, "clue #3" typed into the search box. What the hell does that mean? I'll be up front: I have no idea — but that doesn't mean I won't try to figure it out.
I mean, the first clue was easy — Swift repeatedly pressing the button for the 18th floor on an elevator? Obviously, her new lead single is coming out on Aug. 18. Next! The second clue was a bit more abstract, but still a cinch — a small white cat, a picture of New York City, and a time stamp of 5:00 (a.m. or p.m., we don't know for sure). Clearly, the aforementioned lead single will premiere at 5:00 p.m. EST, probably in Times Square or something! But this Yahoo! stuff?
I'm not so sure what's happening here. But lemme take a few stabs at it anyway:
Her New Single Is a Party Anthem
"Yahoo!" is something that your Aunt Sandy might exclaim after winning five dollars from a scratch off Lottery ticket. In other words, it signifies that people are having a REALLY good time. Does this mean that Swift's new single will be an up-tempo party anthem? Full of pounding beats, catchy hooks, and lyrics about drinking until the sun comes up? I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to that. After all, according to E!, Swift is planning an "explosive" performance at the MTV Video Music Awards later this month...
Her New Single Is About Falling In Love With a Much Older Man
Let's face it, only old people are visiting the Yahoo! home page these days, and only old people are using Yahoo! to search instead of Google. Did Taytay fall for an older guy? A father figure type with lots of money but very little hair (on his head)? It's something to consider. Swift appears to have a pretty active dating life, and it stands to reason that she'd want to throw in a little variety every now and then.
Never Mind, It's Totally About Cybering, Isn't It?
I don't know that people actually "cyber" anymore online now that we have text messaging and apps like Tindr for our phones, but if someone were looking to cyber in 2014, something tells me that they'd head straight to Yahoo!. I bet Yahoo!'s got some seriously freaky user-created groups where you can just log on and cyber all night long. '90s nostalgia is so in right now, and Swift knows it. Are we in for an anthem to rival *NSYNC's "Digital Get Down"?
Or maybe she's just, like, going to do a live event that's streamed by Yahoo! on Aug. 18 at 5:00 p.m. EST where she'll premiere her new single. After all, she did a similar event with Google and YouTube in 2012 to premiere "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." I dunno. Stop the teasing Taylor and just give us some real news! Some of us can't take this anymore.