Drake Doesn't Know How To React To a Lap Dance

by Kadeen Griffiths

In a post-"Anaconda" world, and having seen the music video as many times as I have since morning, I can't help but start to notice some of the little nuances of the video. Oh sure, the "Anaconda" music video is a four minute long ode to big booties, but it's so much more than that. It's an homage to "Baby Got Back". It's an anthem to the fat bottom. It's got a scene at the end that will make anyone silently hoping that Nicki Minaj and Drake become a couple scream with joy. Except for me. For me, it just made me scream in confusion. I mean, seriously, Drake, what were you doing?

The "Anaconda" video ends with a guest appearance from Drake, sitting in a chair and doing absolutely nothing while Nicki Minaj gives him the world's greatest lap dance. Oh, sure, he makes a bunch of faces, but am I the only one who thought Drake looked a little too serious and, dare I say it, bored for a man in his position? What man wouldn't love to get a lap dance from Nicki Minaj? What man would have this face on while receiving it?

Apparently only one man: Drake. Listen, Drake, there are millions of men who would kill to be in your position so the least you could do is act like you're enjoying yourself a lot more. In fact, I can think of at least seven better ways you could have responded to your video lap dance.

1. Shock

Whether you're surprised that Minaj can view you like a brother and then grind on you like this, or surprised at her "superb ass", no one would blame you for your shock.

2. Dismay

Oh my god, Drake, look at her butt. Drake and Rihanna might have gotten back together and he's expected to sit there in that chair and get that lap dance and not react? Sounds like a horror story to me.

3. Indifference

Considering what an affectionate relationship you have with Minaj, maybe you really don't see what the big deal is about her smooth dance moves. Yes, Nicki Minaj has a great butt. So what? Your anaconda don't want none.

4. Amusement

Let's be honest. This is kind of a hilarious situation for Drake to find himself in.

5. Smugness

Then again, hilarious or otherwise, every man in the world wanted to be Drake right then. And Drake knows it. So why wasn't he smug? Why wasn't he smirking? Why wasn't he waggling his eyebrows at the camera? What's wrong with you, Drake?

6. Laughter

With the number of times they must have had to rehearse this exact sequence, I'm finding it hard to believe that Drake managed not to burst into laughter that whole time. At some point, that lap dance had to go from hot to predictable to kind of funny really.

7. Joining In

May this music video usher in a new meme wave of Drake superimposed on Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" album cover, please and thank you. I bet he can give a great lap dance.

Watch the video below.

Image: YouTube