"So, you like One Direction?" Um, hell yes I like One Direction — actually, I love them and I'm not ashamed to say so. This fivesome of adorable, puppy-like, British and Irish-accented 20-somethings is everything that you need in a boy band and then some — because, those accents. (Swoons.) Seriously, I could listen to them sing about what makes me beautiful all night long and never get tired of it. And they're just going to keep getting better. Last week MTV announced that One Direction's new album will be "edgier" than their previous two releases, so basically, you don't have to feel bad about being in your 20s (like me) and wanting Harry Styles to take you out on a date. I mean, Taylor Swift was into it, after all.
But the best part of 1D isn't that every other song sounds like a love letter written just for you and that they've got great hair — they're actually talented and we should all thank Simon Cowell and Nicole Scherzinger for realizing it. (Wow, I never thought I'd ever thank Simon for anything considering he crushed so many of my American Idol favorites' dreams, but oh well.) Scherzinger suggested that One Direction form when all five members auditioned individually for 2011's seventh season of The X Factor and after they agreed, Cowell mentored and later signed the boy band after they finished third in the competition. And the rest is sold-out stadiums, a wildly successful concert movie, and three number one albums' worth of history.
Unfortunately, there are people who don't like fun and adorable things in this world. (I know, right? How strange.) And said un-fun people tend to provoke us 1D fans so that we can be labeled as crazy, raging lunatics — which we can be, if you insult Harry Styles' headscarves. So, in the interest of your personal safety and me not having to report your offensive Twitter account, here's what you should never say to a One Direction fan.
"'Best Song Ever'? More Like Worst Song Ever — Ha Ha"
Is that really the best you've got?
"Aren't You, Like, Too Old For One Direction?"
This one's for you older fans out there, like myself. (I got you.) Also, in case you were wondering, all of the members of 1D are 20 years old or older. So, I bet you're feeling pretty stupid.
"Harry Styles Has Dumb Tattoos"
You're entitled to your opinion, but your opinion is wrong.
"Why Do 1D Fans Hate, Like, All Other Fans?"
Like all other fandoms, including the Beygency, we only attack when provoked. #SorryNotSorry
"That Liam Guy Gained Some Weight"
Are you really still talking about this? First of all, it's absurd that you're taking the time out of your life to judge someone else's appearance and second, clearly you haven't seen Liam Payne's perfect response to all of the haters that asked him to keep his shirt on. Have a little respect for other human beings.
"5 Seconds Of Summer Is The New 1D"
You realize you're comparing a band to their opening act, right? Okay fine, 5sos was the number one band in 39 countries, but that just means they're a good band, not the new 1D. Why can't we all just get along? The bands seem to be able to support one another.
"Their Music Isn't Even That Good"
So, do you not like to have fun? Have you never been in love? Do you just not have any feelings whatsoever? I thought so and I feel sorry for you.
"You Spent How Much On Your 1D Tickets?"
You can't put a price on the once in a lifetime experience of seeing and hearing Harry Styles belt out the lyrics to "Story of My Life." It's worth every last penny to be up close and personal so you feel like you actually danced all night to the best song ever with all five of them.
"Didn't One Direction Break Up?"
NO, THEY DIDN'T BREAK UP. Nor are they planning to break up or in the process of breaking up. Cowell merely said that he could SEE them breaking up after releasing two more albums, not that they were definitely breaking up, OK?
Images: LiamPayne (2)/Instagram