In the wise words of Real Housewives of New York City's Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, "Money can't buy you class." While that is very true, as witnessed on every Real Housewives franchise, it is nowhere more accurate than on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. However, you know what money can buy you? Dunkin' Donuts. The theme of Season 6 of RHONJ should just be Dunkin' Donuts. New cast member Nicole Napolitano has mentioned Dunkin' Donuts at least three times in the seven episodes that have aired so far. But you have to take into account that Dunkin' Donuts is a very special place for Nicole. It's where she met her boyfriend Bobby, and it's only one of two things Nicole thinks women need. The other, in case you were wondering, is oral sex.
I have to say, I understand Nicole's love of Dunkin' Donuts. It's very big in the northeast, and while Starbucks may be the trendy coffee chain, Dunkin' Donuts has its fair share of devotees who swear by the iced coffee and bagels.
Since all of the cast members are from New Jersey, they probably share a similar loyalty to Dunkin' Donuts and have popped in for a Dunkaccino on their way to Posche or a Box O' Joe to keep their energy up during a reunion taping. Just as each Housewife has a favorite menu item, each one has a spirit animal in one of Dunkin' Donuts' offerings, too. So without further ado, I give you the Dunkin' Donuts menu item that best describes each of the RHONJ cast members.
Dina Manzo — Iced Coffee
I love Dina, but she can be a bit of an ice princess, excuse me, ice queen. We all saw how chilly it was between her and Mr. Hunky McHunkypants on their blind date. She. Was. Not. Having. It. I'm sure the cold of a Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee wouldn't bother her anyway.
Teresa Giudice — Assorted Munchkins
Remember when it was someone's birthday in elementary school? Munchkins, Dunkin' Donuts' famous doughnut holes, were always the celebratory snack of choice, at least where I went to school. Teresa would be that variety box of all different types of Munchkins: chocolate, sprinkled, glazed, jelly, powdered. If you close your eyes and reach inside, you're not so sure what you're going to get, and that's what it's like watching Teresa on RHONJ. One season, she's flipping tables, the next she's relaxing at a spa with nightingale droppings on her face. One episode, she loves Melissa, the next she's throwing some major shade at her. At least she's predictably unpredictable.
Melissa Gorga — Blue Raspberry Coolatta
Though she gets into her fair share of fights and arguments, Melissa is always the life of the party, and this electric blue iced fruity drink matches that perfectly. With this in your hand, you're probably more likely to be on your way to a beach party than a board meeting. A drink like this always puts you on display.
Amber Marchese — Egg White Flatbread
Amber is probably the healthiest and most physically fit of all the Housewives this season, so she needs a breakfast of champions to match. The Egg White Flatbreads are on Dunkin' Donuts' "DDSMART" menu of healthier options. Plus, just like Amber, these also seem prim-and-proper, but if handled the wrong way, could fall a part in an instant.
Teresa Aprea — Boston Kreme doughnut
A Boston Kreme doughnut seems like a regular doughnut with chocolate frosting on the outside, but on the inside, it's a goop of creme just waiting to be savored. Similarly, Teresa seems pretty calm, cool, and collected most of the time, but she's got a lot more than she lets on happening on the inside, like those rumors of secret family drama.
Nicole Napolitano — Anything from Dunkin' Donuts
Nicole just loves Dunkin' Donuts so much, I think she would want to be able to represent any food or beverage from the chain. If there was a Miss Dunkin' Donuts, Nicole would definitely earn that title.