Everyone who read The Hunger Games series knew that Johanna Mason is her own special brand of awesome. Then awesome actress Jena Malone brought the character to life on the big screen and delivered every one of Johanna's lines with the exact amount of sass I'd always imagined, giving Johanna a whole new attitude. Remember the scene in Catching Fire, when Johanna is shouting at the Game Makers? Who didn't admire that kind of strength, ferocity, and hilarity? As Glee's Santana (who we really should go to for opinions on all matters) once said, "Oh please, you love me. I keep it real and I'm hilarious." Really, no definition fits Johanna better.
But beneath all the sharp wit we know there's a fractured tribute whose brave face is all she has left. In Mockingjay, we see Johanna vulnerable and broken down. But even after all she endured at the hands of the Game Makers (and, later, the Capitol torturers), Johanna maintained her sassy sense of self. And there's no doubt her jokes will help lighten the mood of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part 1 when it hits theaters Nov. 21. I just hope these 10 Joanna quotes from Suzanne Collins' Mockingjay book make their way into Malone's lips so she can deliver the lines with the sharp-tongued, honest hilarity fans know and love. So, Lionsgate, please put the odds in our favor and give us these 10 hilarious Johanna quotes.
"NO KIDDING, BRAINLESS."
Did Johanna just call Katniss, leader of the rebellion, brainless? Why yes, she did. Also, let's please appreciate that these are the first words Johanna speaks in the book. Like, what a way to get introduced.
"LIKE SOME GUY WHO'S SPENT HIS LIFE IN THIS RABBIT'S WARREN IS GOING TO FIX ME UP. COMPLETE IDIOT."
I know I wouldn't want to be Johanna's psychiatrist. She's smarter than them all, I'm sure.
"YOUR COUSIN'S NOT AFRAID OF ME... ARE YOU, GORGEOUS?"
Yes, that would be Johanna hitting on Gale right in front of Katniss, and all Katniss did was laugh. She would have shot an arrow at any other girl who tried that, but somehow Johanna can flirt with your sorta-boyfriend and make you feel honored that she did.
"I ALSO THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE HARD TO SWALLOW WITH YOUR TACKY ROMANTIC DRAMA AND YOUR DEFENDER-OF-THE-HELPLESS ACT. ONLY IT ISN'T AN ACT WHICH MAKES YOU MORE UNBEARABLE. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TAKE THIS PERSONALLY."
Sometimes Katniss needs to be knocked down a peg, and Johanna's always there for that. But her insults are great because they're actually just compliments disguised as digs.
"ARE YOU GOING TO MISS A CHANCE TO LET SNOW SEE YOU DANCING?"
This is Johanna saying to Katniss, Yes, I know everything is terrible right now, but don't forget what I told you last time: Make him pay for it by having fun.
"I'M GOING TO THE STINKING CAPITOL IF I HAVE TO KILL A CREW AND FLY THERE MYSELF."
That's the spirit.
"I THINK WINNING THE GAMES WAS EASIER."
I like a girl who can joke about her traumatic time fighting for her life. Also, remind me never to join District 13's army, because I do not want to be apart of a training session that's harder than the Games.
"DELLY LOST HER TEMPER ... SHE GOT VERY SQUEAKY. IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE STABBING A MOUSE WITH A FORK REPEATEDLY."
Thanks to Johanna, I know have an excellent mental image of what Delly Cartwright sounds like when she's upset. Such a wonderfully vivid metaphor.
"ON THE GOOD SIDE, NO ONE SEEMED TO NOTICE I FINISHED HIS STEW."
I mean, if you can't take advantage of a disturbance in the dining hall, what's the point? I'm glad Johanna knows that food rules all.
"DON'T LOOK SO SMUG. WE'LL KILL YOU ANYWAY."
This is the ultimate burn to former tribute Enobaria at the end of the book. It's like, you may be from District 2 and safe because Katniss said you had immunity, but Johanna is still there to let you know you don't want to cross her.
Ugh, I can't wait to see Mockingjay's characters try to cross Johanna come November.