5 Things to Never Say to Someone Who Shops At LOFT

I wait all year for the long days of summer (no really, I made a Tumblr devoted to waiting all year for the long days of summer), and the fact that fall is here already is distinctly depressing. What makes the onset of chilly weather and earlier sunsets a little less tantrum-inspiring? The fact that I now have an excuse to go "back to school" shopping even though I haven't seen the inside of a classroom for the better part of a decade. Sweater weather is, in my opinion, way overrated, but I will gladly take this opportunity to blow some money on clothes instead of investing it in more financially responsible purchases, like gin and tonics or cheese of the month club memberships (OK, I'll probably buy those things too) or, I dunno, health insurance. And you know where I'm going to blow a bunch of that money? Probably at LOFT. Ann Taylor LOFT.

What's that sound I hear? Could it be the sound of a dozen readers scoffing, rolling their eyes, wondering how a self respecting millennial website could advocate such a thing, and promptly closing this browser window and heading over to NastyGal.com? Snobs, all of you! Before you berate me for my fashion choices, read my list of five things to never say to someone who shops at LOFT.

"Do they even have anything cute there?"

You know that one time when I was wearing those leopard print driving loafers and leather mini skirt with a vintage Stroh's tee and a Helmut Lang tuxedo blazer and everyone complimented me on how cool I looked? Where do you think the bottom half of that outfit came from? Do you think I could afford sweet Helmut Lang blazers if I didn't high-low-mix it up with some (freaking adorable) shoes I got at LOFT on sale? No. No, I couldn't. I'm not a Rockefeller.

"Are you being, like, normcore?"

No, that shit is for angular, Slavic-looking model types, not short, curvy, olive-skinned folk like myself. I do not wear LOFT ironically, and I think someone would be hard-pressed to do so, given that some of their styles could easily be mistaken for offerings from Maje, Sandro, Helmut Lang, and Diane Von Furstenberg.

"I don't know how you can support big mall brands like that."

I understand the complaints about fast fashion, and I do my share of shopping from carefully-sourced higher-end designers (on sale, always on sale) or up-and-coming brands via amazing sites like Of a Kind and Zady. And those purchases always feel exciting and special. But when I want to buy basics, make an easy wardrobe update, or try out trends (yes, LOFT responds to trends!), the LOFT located .25 miles from my apartment will do, thanks. Oh, and your support of American Apparel isn't exactly doing much to advance the human condition.

"Are you 75 years old? You might as well shop at Talbots."

Would a 75-year-old wear THIS?

Maybe if she was, like, Jane Fonda or something. Further, I have a pair of pointy, leopard print, pony-hair flats from Talbots and they are rad.

"Oh I only shop there when they're having a sale."

Uh yea, me too. What am I, an amateur? Buying things full-price at LOFT is like forgetting your 20 percent off coupon at Bed, Bath & Beyond or getting one suit for the price of one instead of two suits for the price of one at Men's Warehouse, or not sneaking into a double feature at the movie theater. It's for suckers.

There's something pretty awesome about visiting a store, seeing something that costs a little more than you wanted to spend, and thinking "No worries, I'll just hold off a maximum 72 hours until it is marked at 40 percent off." On that note, excuse me while I go buy this tweed bomber jacket I've been waiting on since Tuesday. Don't bother asking me where I got it.

Images: Giphy (2)