Human Barbie who? Meet the human sex doll

by Rebecca Jane Stokes

Ladies and gentlemen who read websites for ladies, please meet Victoria Wild. She is a human being whose sole ambition in life is to become a living, breathing sex doll. On the one hand, this = stuff of nightmares. I am fairly certain there must be at least one scary movie called Night of The Living, Breathing Sex Doll. If there isn’t, I call dibs on the title. On the other hand, having dedicated my life to eating every single type of pie that exists and seeing how long I can go without changing my jeans, who am I to judge the life pursuits of others?

Victoria is from Latvia, and, to my knowledge, is of no relation to the actress Olivia Wilde. I assume this (#notareporter) because Olivia spells her name with an ‘e’, is not from Latvia and has not, (again, to my knowledge) invested thousands and thousands of dollars in plastic surgery on a quixotic mission to turn herself into a living, breathing sex doll and thus, launch her modeling career. That said, the humor and pathos that playing such a character would require is something Wilde could handle with aplomb. Call me, girl. We’ll drink schnapps and write a film treatment. I’ve already got the title (please see the above paragraph).

'Human Barbies' are totally a thing that is happening right now. Open your browser and you’re one-to-three clicks away from all the pictures you can handle of men and women proudly extrapolating upon their desire to achieve physical perfection. Apparently perfection is now synonymous with cheekbones that could slice and dice diamonds and idolizing non-living entities with either no genitals to speak of or, you know, nothing BUT genitals.All my cheekiness aside: Victoria. Girl. Do you. If anything, I am impressed at the massive (we’re talking G-cups here, folks) bra size Wild currently rocks. I’m but a tender D-cup, and even I get the odd back twinge from time to time. True story: One time, Lefty escaped my sports bra and popped me in the eye, erect nipple and everything. Odds are Victoria avoids any sort of buoyant movement and/or that she has the core strength of a demigod.

My favorite is this guy:

A beautiful journey, indeed.

Image: Twitter