'Below Deck': "Stains, Strains, & A Big Pain" Plague Kat, Eddie, & The Rest Of The Crew

Truth time: I did not watch Season 1, so I am not familiar with former chief stew Adrienne’s Below Deck history. But when Eddie turned on his heel, dove back into the ocean, and swam out to the little boat the moment he spotted Adrienne hobnobbing with primary charter guest Beverly, I set a "WATCH BD S1 ASAP!!!!!!" reminder in my phone. "Who is this woman?" I muttered at my TV screen. "What happened last season? Is shit about to pop off?! I THINK SHIT IS ABOUT TO POP OFF!"

No, I don't exactly know what Adrienne's sauntering out onto the beach at the end of Tuesday night's episode of Below Deck means for the show, but it doesn't matter. I am stoked for whatever havoc she'll wreak next week. My body is READY.

(Sidebar: Once Eddie reached the little boat, what was his game plan? Did he hide there until beach time ended? Did he go back to the Ohana to warn the others? Or did he point the bow of the little boat away from the beach and the yacht and drive away from the entire mess as fast as he could? Sigh. Guess I'll have to wait until next time to find out.)

Like she and I do every week, my best friend and I texted throughout the latest ep of BD. She saw most of Season 1, so I asked her to explain Adrienne’s deal and why the mere sight of her struck fear in the noble bosun’s heart. Her answer: “She just like hated fun and made them all miserable. It was great.”

"What would Adrienne have done re: Jizzpillowgate?" I asked.

My BFF didn't reply. I should've known better than to invoke Jizzpillowgate; just 40 minutes before, she'd made it very clear that Jizzpillowgate affected her ("I'm crying. This is the greatest show"). I assume she crumpled into a heap the second after she finished reading my text and couldn't muster up the energy to reply (OK fine, she probably went to bed).

G'bless Jizzpillowgate, amirite? Right on the heels of the dong blanket non-mystery, a new whodunnit cropped up: A guest found a sullied pillow on his bed. To put it coyly: The stain on the pillow was very, VERY sus. Everyone had a hunch that hump buddies Kat and Ben were the culprits, but, like, the crew couldn't prove it. (No, Captain Lee didn't break out a DNA kit and go all CSI on everyone. Womp womp.) Case not solved.

As Kat said in a confessional: “The jizz pillow will remain a mystery for the ages."

Oh really, Kat? OK, Kat. I see you, Kat!

Sorry, Kat.

Images: Bravo; realitytvgifs/tumblr