Publish as many change.org petitions as you want, guys, but there's no way around this: Ben Affleck is officially going to be Batman in the next Man of Steel film. He's not the Batman that Gotham/the world seems to want — Christian Bale all stole our hearts a long, long time ago — but he's the Batman that Gotham is gonna get, so we might as well start figuring out what this means for the character. Affleck has slowly clawed his way back into people's good graces after the disaster that was Gigli (and dating Jennifer Lopez, in general), and his two Academy Awards certainly prove that he's a talented guy, so maybe this won't be so bad.
Every actor who has ever played the character of Batman has brought something distinctly different to the role: For instance, Christian Bale brought the best broodface to ever grace the silver screen, Adam West brought guilty pleasure campiness, and George Clooney brought his nipples. The question that we should be asking ourselves right now is not why Ben Affleck, it's what will Ben Affleck bring to this role that is not his nipples like George Clooney? The question of the hour.
A few thoughts:
Boston Batman
If Ben Affleck plays a character who isn't from Boston, did he ever really play that character at all? (What's Argo?) Maybe Affleck's Batman won't be from Gotham, but instead — just to switch things up a bit — Boston. He'll say Gotham like Gawtham and it'll be totally endearing and we'll all love him and forget about Gigli forever, FOOLPROOF PLAN.
Bearded Batman
Or, he'll just keep the Argo beard, so when he puts the Batman mask on it'll be like, full-face shield.
The Batman Who Tries to Destroy Every Copy of Gigli in the World
Instead of using his high-tech gadgets and rich boy powers to save the city of Gawtham, it's highly possible Ben Affleck's Batman would just focus on stealing and destroying every copy of Gigli in the world, in hopes people will forget the film ever existed. (We will never forget, Ben. We will never forget.)
The Worst. Batman. Ever.
The last time Ben Affleck tried a superhero movie, it was Daredevil, and like Gigli, it's a dark part of his career that he probably doesn't like to talk about. Hopefully, history won't be repeating itself, but... well, did anyone see Daredevil?
But, you know, I'm just brainstorming here, of course.
