Life
15 Sex Holidays You Should Be Celebrating
It was just brought to my attention that there is, in this glorious amalgam of united states, a high holy day dedicated to a form of cunnilingus. It's called National Sit On My Face Day, and it went down (tee hee) just this Friday. So, merry, merry, American babes! I hope you all celebrated accordingly.
Now, I'm an egalitarian haver-of-sex. And, as much as I enjoy somewhat asphyxiating woman-on-top oral, there are many other sex acts I enjoy equally, if not more. And I find them to be worthy if national celebration, as well.
Without further ado, here's my list of 15 sex acts that deserve a national holiday all their own. So, like, contact your state representatives? How do holidays even get made, anyway?
1. National Grapefruit Blowjob Day
A Bustle favorite! We are très up on our vitamin C intake, thankyouverymuch.
2. National Let's Briefly Pretend Our Relationship Is 50 Shades of Grey Day
Like you weren't doing this already.
3. National Vaguely Consider Letting A Dude Give You A Facial Day
Not that kind...
4. National Ice Cubes Everywhere Day
I tried this and wrote about it, if you need some ideas.
5. National Do ALL Of The Cosmo Tips Day
For overachievers.
6. National Should You Maybe Pull Out Because I Forgot To Take My Birth Control For Like Three Days Day
Like sorry I'm not an elephant, I FORGET.
7. National My Roommate's Asleep In This Very Room But Why The Hell Not Day
Or, as we knew it in college, National Almost Every Night Day!
8. National Literally Two Hours of Oral Day
Not sure if women or men have it worse, TBH.
9. National Angrily Masturbate In The Office Bathroom Day
This... This was my friend's contribution, but like, I don't know, I can see it being a thing.
10. National Oh Shit That's My Ex-Boyfriend's Name Not Yours Day
Which is why I call everyone "babe."
11. National So, Like, The Dog Just Walked In But Do We Keep Going Or What? Day
Answer: We do. Sorry, dog.
12. National Being Asked "Have You Come Yet?" 46 Times In One Day And Having To Say No Each Time Day
I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS LEVEL OF HONESTY.
13. National "Well, OK, You're Not The BIGGEST I've Ever Had, But You're The BEST, I Swear" Day
Why would you ever even ask me this?
14. National Whiskey Dick Day
Because fellas deserve to be let off the hook every now and again.
15. National Cite A Headache Day
IT'S BEEN A LONG WEEK, ALL RIGHT?
Images: Anthony Easton/Flickr (main), Tumblr (1-4, 6-15), Quick Meme (5)