15 Types of Friends You Should Get Rid Of Immediately
I did that thing where I decided to go on a Facebook cleanse. As in, I deleted anyone I considered bad for me in any shape or form, ridding myself of social toxins. This included: anyone I hooked up with and then added on Facebook just so that I remembered who I hooked up with, anyone who was always kind of a dick to me in high-school or college, and basically anyone who I don’t talk to anymore (shouldn’t talk to anymore based on principle and emotional health.) “You don’t *deserve* to be privy to my Facebook,” I whispered, as I digitally ostracized 120 people from my life. I'm not going to lie — it felt amazing.
Sometimes we need to do the same thing IRL. As I approach my mid-20s, I feel like I shouldn’t have to take any unnecessary bullshit. Like, life itself can be ridden with bullshit, so I don’t need humans to add to the problem. This sounds kind of pessimistic, but we all have friends who can make us feel like shit, and that’s not cool. Getting rid of friends who are bad for us is amazing for our mental health and general well being. Plus, I think we all deserve to be treated like the amazing people we are — if you feel like you’re being under-appreciated or taken advantage of, I think you have every right to “delete” those people from your life. These are the kinds of friends I’m talking about:
1. The selfish, emotionally draining friend
I call this the “Hannah Horvath” of the friend group. She’s constantly making everything about her, and turning your problems around so they point to her problems. Conversations go something like this: “Oh hon. Your breakup sounds terrible. It’s like when Dan stopped texting me. I felt so hurt and denied, and ugh it was so hard. I stopped eating and, like, living.” She’s also somehow in a state of perpetual turmoil, and it’s your job to fix it and make everything better. It's exhausting.
2. The friend you are always making plans with
You’re the one who always makes the call to hang out, and when she does answer your calls and texts (which often does not happen), it always feels like she’s doing you a favor. “Yeah, I guess dinner works for me on Friday. I’m going to be a little late. Is that okay? Oh, and I need to leave early. Is that cool, too?” is a text you might get.
3. The flaky friend
You don’t really need someone who is constantly agreeing to plans and then bailing on them the day of. Or someone who just disappears for months at a time, making you wonder if they’re maybe dead.
4. The friend who always makes you feel like garbage
You should never feel self conscious about yourself with a friend. TRUE friends love you for who you are. True friends will call you out when you're making mistakes, but there's a subtle difference between how you feel when a friend is trying to save your ass from yourself, and how you feel with a not-friend is judging you. You'll know.
5. The friend who always encourages you to make bad choices
“Let’s do a line before this baby shower!” or “Let’s end up at some rando’s apartment at 3am” are things you might not hear outright, but are things that generally happen when you’re with The Crazy Friend. Don’t get me wrong. I love The Crazy Friend. She makes me feel alive. But waking up on a Wednesday totally hung-over and noticing someone parked your car on top of another car is probably something I’m too old to be dealing with.
6. The fuck buddy (whom you actually want to marry)
If friends with benefits is a thing you want to do, then do it up. It can be fun, stress-free, and can encompass all parts of a relationship you actually want without any real commitment. However, this situation has been known to turn ugly because someone always has to go and fall in love or whatever. If friends with benefits turns into “it’s complicated,” then maybe re-evaluate what you want out of a relationship and communicate that with your person. If it’s just not something they’re into, maybe possibly move on. Or at least think about it, because these things suck.
7. The moocher
It’s good to help friends! Helping is what friendships are for! But if you’re noticing your not-so-financially-stable friend is only hanging out with you in order to borrow cash or your car or clothes, then that’s not okay. You’re not a bank.
8. The friend who is only a friend if she’s single
Everything is cool until she disappears from your life as soon as she starts dating someone. Seven months later, she shows up at your apartment with runny mascara, a pack of stress cigarettes, and Snickers.
9. The friend who makes you feel poor
I’m not saying a disparity between incomes is a reason to stop hanging out with someone, but if it’s getting to the point where you have to awkwardly remind them a few times that you actually can’t afford driving to Vegas every other week, or brunch at the Ritz is slightly out of your price range, then you need to have a talk.
10. The fat-shaming friend
If you have a friend that is aggressively pushing you to go to the gym, gives you the I’m Judging You, Fatass look whenever you order a pizza or bagel, or tells you, “That dress would be so much cuter if you lost like ten pounds,” then you need to be upfront and tell her that making you feel badly about yourself is not effective motivation. If this still persists, then stop dealing with it.
11. The in-between-friends friend
They’re in a fight with their best friend, so they come to you to fill that void, assigning you the role of Temporary BFF. Do I really need to tell you how much better you deserve?
12. The guy friend who desperately wants to do you
Sometimes sexual feelings develop between two people. It happens. We’re human and humans like sex. But if it’s totally unrequited, and if it keeps getting more and more awkward, maybe suspend the friendship until he can start thinking with his brain instead of his dick.
13. The friend with really, really awful boyfriends
In our lifetime, we are bound to have a friend who has a really obnoxious boyfriend. A boyfriend who still wears socks with sandals. A boyfriend who says casually racist shit all the time. A boyfriend who thinks “impressive” translates to “I’m going to blow pot smoke rings out of my mouth all the time.” Yes, people like this exist, and yes, we are all grown-ups who know how to handle people we don't agree with. But this is your friend we’re talking about. No socks-with-sandal guy or racist should stand in between that bond. Unless that boyfriend is just a terrible person who treats everyone like shit. It’s hard to watch your friend become so passive with the guys she dates, but it’s also hard to sit there and deal with it, especially if she’s not going to do anything about it. If your friend is letting her boyfriend be mean to you, however, she’s clearly not prioritizing her relationships very well. Maybe a friendship strike is in order.
14. Friends who shit-talk you
It’s always stellar to hear your friend has been talking about how much weight you’ve gained, or how much she thinks you didn’t deserve that job promotion through the grapevine of gossip. Makes you feel real spesh'. *Sarcasm*
15. The friend you have nothing in common with
You two were besties in high-school. She’s now married and shops at West Elm while you’re still buying your bookshelves at Target and drinking Diet Coke for breakfast. Whenever you two get lunch, it’s totally weird and you never have anything of substance to actually talk about except high-school. Yet you still make it a point to schedule lunches and dinners just to upkeep the relationship and make sure it doesn’t completely die. But why? If you have nothing in common with this person anymore, and seeing them is a total bummer, then why put yourself through that?
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