It's finally happening for real this time, you guys. George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are getting married this weekend in a lavish Italian ceremony that none of us are invited to. And you know that this is going to be big, because not only did Clooney fly in 100 cases of tequila for the ceremony, but there's also a rumor that Venice plans to shut down the Grand Canal just for the Clooney wedding. That's like shutting down a major highway in the middle of rush hour. Then again, this is Clooney we're talking about. Sadly, we won't be able to attend the Clooney-Alamuddin wedding since we all have such busy schedules and also, again, weren't invited. Thankfully, US Weekly gave us an alleged overview of the Clooney wedding itinerary from start to joyous finish.
Apparently, the festivities for the event begin with the rehearsal dinner on Friday and continue straight until Monday with a civil ceremony. Because when you're a celebrity, one big day just isn't enough. We might have to be stuck not being in Italy and/or working while the Clooney-Alamuddin festivities are taking place, but I've done us all the favor of collecting an in-depth glimpse at their itinerary. This way, we can at least feel like we were there.
The Rehearsal Dinner
Time: Friday evening.
Details: According to US Weekly, the rehearsal dinner will take place at the Hotel Cipriani, a five star hotel in which much of Alamuddin's family are already residing. Alamuddin and Clooney themselves are set to arrive in Venice themselves on Friday, along with their celebrity guests. I expect caviar will be on the menu, because all rich people eat caviar. Television couldn't have lied to me there.
Time: Saturday morning.
Details: Their big day will kick off properly with a breakfast for the happy couple and their friends and family. This will either take place at the hotel or at "Cip's Club or Oro restaurant, depending on group allocation". So, clearly, by the end of the weekend, no one will be able to fit back into the suits and dresses they had custom-made for the event.
Time: Between events.
Details: Did I mention they won't be taking a car to the ceremony? Because they won't. They'll be boating on the Aman Canal Grande, which is probably what prompted the rumors that the Canal would be shut down for the Clooney wedding. How cool is this, you guys? HOW COOL?
Details: At this point, the most important detail that we know about the wedding is that Brad Pitt won't be there as the best man. However, US Weekly reports that Clooney's friend Walter Veltroni will be the celebrant of the ceremony and plenty of other celebrities, such as Matt Damon and Bono, will be in attendance.
Time: Saturday afternoon.
Details: More caviar. All right, okay, so this will be more of a five-course meal created by a famous Italian chef just for the newlyweds and all their guests. But caviar! Or whatever the Italian equivalent of caviar is. And, of course, bring on the tequila and fancy wines.
The After Party
Time: Saturday night.
Details: Back at Hotel Cipriani, there will be fireworks. No, not the ones that clearly sparked between Clooney and Alamuddin. There will be literal fireworks and a late night pool party that will probably end badly once they start working their way through those 100 cases of tequila.
The Other Dinner
Details: The food at the Cipriani must be super good, because US Weekly reports that the wedding weekend includes yet another big dinner at the hotel Sunday evening. The number of courses has not been reported, but I'm hoping for at least seven. It's a lucky number, after all.
The Civil Ceremony
Details: And that's the end of that. Clooney and Alamuddin will be officially wed in all senses of the word and we'll all have to find something new to do until the next celebrity wedding. Or get married ourselves. But since our weddings probably won't take place over the course of four days in Venice, that's way less exciting.
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